The Best Fake Orgasm
I was skeeved out by Alex's underwear fashion show and Ramona's foot massage, but somehow when Kelly reenacted the foot massage with her sex noises, it made me laugh instead of trying to scratch my eyes out.

Quote of the Night
"Is there a homeless person walking around in that dress?" -- Andy Cohen, regarding Alex having the hideous dress that LuAnn picked on auctioned off for charity.

Can Someone Explain to Ramona How TV Works?
Ramona argued that she didn't want to be in LuAnn's music video because her daughter would've been embarrassed, but then offered to take the 16-year-old to a burlesque show. She said that was different as it was a private party and not on YouTube, but clearly doesn't understand that RHONY is broadcast to the entire country... and will be re-aired for the rest of Avery's life.

Never Change
Jill Zarin is opinionated and at often times extremely blunt/rude to people, but at least she owns it. While she tried to change her attitude, we saw footage of her gossiping ways in full-force this season. She really just shouldn't even bother.

Turns Out That New York Has a Lot of Bitches
The girls tried to say that Sonja called them bitches in her burlesque number, but she quickly informed them that maybe she wasn't talking about them. After all, she is in fights with half of the city.

Ramona Dictionary Addition
For those of you who keep track of her unique vocabulary, when she says someone has a deformity, she really means that they have a blemish or a birthmark. Just FYI, so no one gets their feelings hurt in the future.

Has Anyone Ever Seen a Movie With Alex in It?
Ms. McCord claims that prior to the show, she was an actress in many submissions to the Hamptons Film Festival. If you've seen one, tell me everything!

The Word Anonymous is There for a Reason
Proving yet again that Ramona doesn't understand words and/or how TV works, she totally called Jill out for going to AA meetings in the past. AA isn't Celebrity Rehab, Ramona. People like to keep those things private.

Ramona Whines About Wine
She's just promoting her product. That's her excuse for day drinking. It totally doesn't mean she's an alcoholic. Still, I'd rather hear her talk about Pinot than her menstrual cycle.

See You Next Tuesday vs. Class
Alex considers class to be the most offensive word on the planet, but didn't bat an eye when Simon called Luann the Countess without the "o." This from a woman who is against promoting a jetsetting lifestyle but talked about preferring St. Barts over the Hamptons?

Wax On
Was Cindy waxing her legs during the reunion? At one point she seemed to just be sitting silently and rubbing her legs. Perhaps it was just some light exfoliating?

Alex Makes an Actual Point?
At first I thought that Alex was throwing her buddy Bethenny under the bus by saying that she and Ramona both shilled their booze in the same way, but then I thought about it and realized that it is kind of true -- Bethenny asked for her branded cocktail at every event. Now if Ramona can just get a VW beetle with her Pinot logo painted on the side to tool around the Hamptons in...

Speaking of the Ex-Housewife...
Jill politely and curtly claimed that she reached out to Bethenny and that they've communicated, and that she's very happy for her. Hooray for text messages. They are so personal.

I Think There's a Pill for That
Speaking of legs, the never-ending reunion caused Ramona's legs to cramp, so she got up and started doing some gyrating and hip-thrusting to ease her pain. The horror. Also, are leg cramps a sign of Pinot withdrawal?

Isn't This Whole Show a Liability?
Alex insisted that if she was social climbing then being "friends" with the brunette ladies would actually be a detriment to her standing. Interesting. Acting like a wild, blotchy woman on television for all to see won't harm your credibility in certain circles? Do none of the blondes understand how TV works?

Time Stamps, They Exist.
Alex tried to claim that two stupid events in Morocco took place hours apart, but Andy Cohen actually looked up the footage to show that they were right after each other, and it wasn't editing at fault.

Simon Doesn't Say
Not that I'm one to defend Simon, but he was getting trashed left and right about his twittering habits and his bullying behavior... but they didn't bring him out to defend himself. In previous Housewives reunions, the husbands have made appearances, so why not now? Was he too busy ironing "Thug in a Cocktail Dress" onto T-shirts?

It's Not Just for Eye Rolls Anymore
Last week I tried (in vain) to keep up with Alex's eye rolls and eyebrow raises, but there were so many last night that I didn't even bother. Instead, I was too busy marveling at the amount of finger wagging and pointing that was going on. Shouldn't LuAnn have a chapter on the rudeness of pointing in her book? And maybe give a copy of it to Jill?

Extra Credit
To the fan who wrote in asking if LuAnn and Jacques had the same hairstylist. That was my favorite laugh-out-loud moment of the hour and a half. So thanks for that.

Is Jill really a complete hypocrite? Find out in this bonus unaired scene from the reunion:

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