Last week, we ranked the must-see new fall shows, so this week we're doing the opposite. These are the shows you should really avoid at all costs. It's too late for us, since we diligently sat through all of the pilots, but you can still save yourselves (and your DVRs).
10. Hart of Dixie
We like Rachel Bilson. We like Jaime King. We really like Scott Porter. And we enjoy Josh Schwartz-produced shows. Despite all those things being combined in one convenient place, this is a forgettable mess thanks to Bilson playing a heart doctor (wrap your head around that for a second) named Zoe Hart (gag!) and a Sweet Home Alabama-esque fish-out-of-water storyline. Our only question: will The CW cancel this first or H8R?
With that title, you'd think we might be able to remember what this show was about, but every time the name pops up, we have to remind ourselves that it is the one with Poppy Montgomery as a detective who has the useful talent of being able to remember every minuscule detail of every minuscule moment of her life (except, natch, the one that matters most). It's a crime-solving procedural with a "twist," but we can see through its not-so-clever disguise. This one's a snooze.
8. Last Man Standing
We've seen Home Improvement, we don't need another one. Changing the sons to daughters and throwing in references to websites doesn't count as original, Tim Allen.
7. Man Up
Friends With Benefits, Perfect Couples and Mixed Signals all tried and failed last season to attract viewers to a group of pals with quirky character traits who are all in various states in their relationships. Only the similarly themed Happy Endings survived, and we're not entirely sure how. We're predicting Man Up will face a similar fate as the cancelled series. Will we have to tell these video game-obsessed men that their show is over via Xbox Live?
Mario Lopez. Various celebrities. The people that hate them. Exactly what about mixing these elements together sounded like a good idea to anyone? We'd really like to have Herman's Head-like access to the network executives at The CW to find out what they were thinking when this got the greenlight.
5. How to Be a Gentleman
Kevin Dillon (aka Johnny Drama) is an old gym rat lunkhead (think Ronnie from Jersey Shore) who bullies and physically intimidates David Hornsby into giving up his classy life in order to write a column for a men's magazine. Dave Foley and Mary Lynn Rajskub are sadly involved in this mess and we really feel awful about that. Then again, this show is on CBS and could be the next Two and a Half Men in terms of inexplicable longevity and popularity... but we really hope not.
4. Free Agents
A terrible workplace comedy that makes us wonder if some of those atrocious episodes of The Office weren't all that bad by comparison. We hope that Hank Azaria put a lot of that Simpsons money in the bank.
3. I Hate My Teenage Daughter
Two horrible women hate the obnoxious teens that they raised. This desperately wants to be AbFab, but it doesn't even come close to the cleverness of that superior UK show. Instead, it might be one of the worst (non-animated) Fox pilots we've seen in a long time. And that's saying something.
How do we describe what is easily the worst show of the fall? Dreadful? Painful? Appalling? The kind of torture that is like going through an MRI machine while having a root canal while Fran Drescher's laugh plays on loop and Dr. House tries to kill/cure you? Something along those lines. This multi-camera sitcom sucks the life out of comedienne Whitney Cummings (who is usually wickedly funny in her stand-up and on those Comedy Central Roasts). Here she's trying to be edgy, but the show plays into every single stereotypical sitcom trap that we've seen a million times before. None of the characters are remotely likable. The laugh track is irritating. And every time we think about the possibility of having to watch another episode, we break out in hives.
This show is so insanely bad that it counts twice. It's a double warning to those who might be tempted. Check out the sharp Cummings-produced 2 Broke Girls instead and count your blessings.
Are the networks really saving their best new shows for midseason? Find out.
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