Freaky: No Way Out
Kudos to the writing staff for raising a point that too many haunted house stories overlook; if the characters don't want to put up with any freaky stuff, why don't they just leave? Well, in Vivian and Ben's case, they can't afford to leave. Some bad financial investments, plus the cross-country move, plus buying a new place has left them completely tapped out. Forget ghosts -- nothing's scarier than the knowledge that you're facing bankruptcy.

Funny: Tighty Whities Just Aren't Sexy
Looks like Constance's philandering hubby came down on the "briefs" side of the eternal "boxers vs. briefs" debate. Call us immature (which we are, we admit it) but the sight of those tighty whities instantly inspired a giggle fit. No wonder Moira the Maid was so upset -- who wants to be jumped on by a guy with such ugly taste in underwear?

Freaky: Constance and Moira's Eternal War
The already acrimonious relationship between Constance and Moira deteriorated further this week and provided some intriguing new hints about the exact nature of their constant presence in this house. We already knew that Moira is a supernatural entity of some sort, but now it sounds like her inability to "move on" may be owed in part to Constance's desire to keep torturing her for her past sins... including sleeping with her husband. We wouldn't want to be under that crazy lady's spell either.

Funny: Ben Falls Asleep on the Job
Just when we thought that Ben couldn't turn out to be any worse of a psychiatrist, he goes and falls asleep in the middle of a session with his latest patient, a woman who is distraught that her husband is leaving her because she's "boring." Granted, she does turn out to be pretty dull, but that's no excuse for nodding off when someone is talking to you... especially when it's your damn job to listen. And considering Ben's financial woes, the last thing he needs is to drive another paying customer away.

Freaky: Kate Mara Gets Her Fatal Attraction On
Looks like Ben picked the wrong person to cheat on his wife with. Hayden turned up in his office this week and made it clear that 1) She's not going anywhere, 2) She's keeping their unborn kid and 3) She's not a whore; she MATTERS! Glenn Close would be proud. Of course, she also wouldn't have allowed herself to be offed by a simple shovel to the face.

Funny: Vivian Plays Tourist
In order to get some more info on the tortured history of her lemon of a home, Vivian goes for a ride-along with the cheesetastic "Eternal Darkness Tour," which visits all of Hell-A's most notorious haunted spots... culminating in her own "Murder House." Hmm, maybe they should have signed up for that tour, before they bought the house?

Freaky: This Doctor's Wife Makes House Calls
While vainly trying to sell the "Murder House," Vivian is visited by one of its previous tenants -- the imposing socialite wife of Dr. Charles Montgomery, a surgeon (and sometime abortionist to the aspiring stars) with a Frankenstein complex. After admiring the chestnut wood walls, questioning the existence of the pasta arm and accepting a cup of tea, she gets all squirrely when Viv mentions she's pregnant. The camera pans behind her head to reveal a gaping wound and then she promptly vanishes. We take it she won't be purchasing her old house back, then?

Funny: Dialogue Like This
"Polish it up. It's cruddy with corrosion. And you know why? Because you're a shitty maid."
"She just won't stop unbuttoning and bending over."
"Well, it might be down the front of my dress."
"It's not a crime to be an asshole."

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