In last night's episode, "In Havoc and In Heat," Zoe (who we're supposed to buy as a promising cardiothoracic surgeon from New York, and not an insufferable girly-girl) decides that she's going to let loose and have a one-night stand with Wade -- a man with whom she had a brief tongue-tangle while she was covered in mud, drunk and in the front seat of his car... on the day she met him. But instead of just inviting Wade over for a drink to beat the heat, she has to be all freaking weird about it and turn into one of those rom-com characters who tries on a million outfits in front of a mirror. Who is she supposed to be, Katherine Heigl or Kate Hudson? Will she jump on her bed in her underwear next week? There were a lot of preposterous moments in the episode (Zoe later falling off the bar stool was just one of them) that made us wince, but this particular scene summed up precisely everything that is wrong with her character. Now keep in mind, this is a woman who wears short shorts on a regular basis and sports slinky designer dresses and five-inch heels to work. And she's doing this for a guy who has made it pretty clear that he'd like to bang her whenever she wants. Here's how the entire sequence broke down:
We open the scene with a Southern Rock tune jamming in the background as Zoe stands in front of her bedroom mirror wearing what looks like a black slip and a kimono. She stares at herself pensively and sighs.
Then she tousles her hair into a pile up on her head and attempts to make a sexy face in the mirror. Sexy is not what you'd call her strong suit.
Up next: "I'm a cool chick who can just rock out and totally have a one night stand without being all weird" face. Needless to say, this also doesn't work.
She then poses with her hand under her chin. (What the hell?)
Then she puts on a floppy bohemian hat and bounces her head jauntily from side to side.
She takes the hat off, frowns and puts on a giant white sunhat that looks like she stole it from Lemon's closet. It's like she's not even trying.
Then she takes this ugly gray scarf and piles it on her head. Not wrapping her hair in it or anything like that; just plopping it on her head. She leaves it there expecting that to be a look that anyone would ever wear on this planet... especially in the middle of heat wave.
Then she ties the same ugly scarf around her neck and practices the "fainting damsel" back-of-the-hand-to-the-forehead pose. Apparently, since she's in the South, she has to channel Gone With the Wind or whatever.
For some reason her next option is a giant white scarf, which she clasps under her chin like a babushka. Nothing says sexy like covering up all your hair and skin. In the middle of a heat wave. For a man who has already seen you strutting around with half your ass hanging out.
Next look: Wonder Woman bracelets. Complete with crime-fighting poses.
Then it's on to oversized black sunglasses that make her look Jenna, the blind girl on Pretty Little Liars. She pulls them down and practices her come on-phrase, which amounts to "'Sup, Wade?" Perhaps she should have spent more time on what she was going to say, instead of how she was looking.
Then she throws the glasses to the side. Gives herself a thumbs up, grins goofily, winks and does finger guns to the mirror. Finger guns? Really? We don't blame the townsfolk for being hesitant to let her treat them. We wouldn't want to trust our well-being to a trashily dressed doctor who thinks finger guns are remotely attractive to the opposite sex.
Unfortunately, we didn't get to see her decide on a final look, but when she later stumbles into a bar, she's wearing a slinky black dress. But where did she get all those fashionable accessories? None of them look like they come from the wardrobe of an uptight, workaholic, New York surgeon who wears Christian Louboutins as her bus-traveling shoes. And why would she lack so much confidence when it comes to hitting on Wade? If she was trying to win the heart of George Tucker, or even Mayor Lavon Hayes, we could understand her being a little nervous... thought not to the point of rom-com cliché ridiculous. But yeah, we watched this scene four times because it was so utterly and hilariously unbelievable. In other words: best episode yet.
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