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Modern Family: We Prescribe Meds for the Extended Pritchett-Dunphy Clan

In this week's arbitrary Modern Family prizes that I make up just for giggles, I thought it'd be fun to play Dr. Phil (Dunphy, obviously) and write prescriptions for each character for their performance in last night's "Hit and Run." I will do my best not to punch anyone in the face while I do so, but no promises.

Claire
Prescription: A chill pill.
Diagnosis: Want to run for office? Go for it -- but ease your anxiety now, so that you can actually make your story arc funny in coming episodes, okay?

Phil
Prescription: Tiger Balm.
Diagnosis: Directions: Massage onto England Dan and John Ford Coley in the AM. At night, use on Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

Haley
Prescription: Daily doses of Omega-3s.
Diagnosis: We hear they're good for the brain, and you've been a little too ditzy for our taste this season.

Alex
Prescription: More extra-strength drowsy allergy medicine.
Diagnosis: Don't mean to offend, as you've been great when you're awake and everything, but your sleepy performance is pitch-perfect.

Luke
Prescription: A lollipop.
Diagnosis: Another episode, another reason you're one of our favorite family members. Love those frozen assets.

Jay
Prescription: Extra-strength eye drops.
Diagnosis: You were right in front of Neal Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks and Todd from Community, and you didn't even squeal in delight once! Surely you must be going blind.

Gloria
Prescription: A big bowl of chicken soup.
Diagnosis: For your beaver fever, natch.

Manny
Prescription: One adrenaline shot to the heart, stat.
Diagnosis: You need to wake up, and NOW. What happened to the quick-witted young man we fell in love with Season 1? Your mob joke wasn't even a joke.

Mitchell
Prescription: A pat on the back.
Diagnosis: Since gays don't high-five, we give you a quick nod of approval for your hard work last night.

Cameron
Prescription: One tall order of runaway curly fries.
Diagnosis: Something lucky to help your minor mouth injury. And if you could get us into an extremely advance screening of The Muppets, we'd highly appreciate it.

Lily
Prescription: A few sips of Alex's medicine.
Diagnosis: Modern Family has been blessed in its fantastic child actors. Unless you can keep up, staying quiet and looking cute is your best bet right now.

Councilman Duane Bailey
Prescription: One aspirin, plenty of fluids
Diagnosis: All this time with Claire in her overachieving role will give you a headache (especially if you're trying to balance your day job with puggle breeding), so rest up.

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5 Comments

October 13, 2011 11:17 AM
Jon
Reply

No way Claire and Alex are perfect the way they are, and why in the heck would Jay be excited about a 2 bit actor? Manny is fine the way he is, and Bailey needs a punch to the face.

October 13, 2011 10:16 PM
Jess
Reply
replied to comment from Jon

lol what? She didn't say Claire was perfect, she said Claire should take a chill pill. Which is something she desperately needs, every day. I don't know what you have against Alex but she was pretty great on sleep meds. Your comments about the actors referenced with Jay are pretty unnecessarily rude, and you can't deny that Manny hasn't been as amusing lately. Lastly... who is Bailey?

Your comment is crass, uninformed, and way off the mark. Do you even watch Modern Family?

October 14, 2011 1:02 AM
Jon
Reply

No I was saying Claire doesn't need a chill pill because she is fine the way she is. And I said nothing about Alex. Really you are thatg sensitive about the comment about those actors, are you friends with them. And Manny has been amusing lately and was last night. And Bailey is the councilman his name is in the article.

I have watched Modern Family since the pilot and loved it it is my favorite comedy. I don't see what is uninformed or way of the mark about my comment, I may have a different view on the characters but that is it.

October 14, 2011 1:03 AM
Jon
Reply

Oh I see my mistake I said Alex when I meant Haley, I think Haley is fine the way she is.

October 31, 2011 12:25 PM
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