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<i>American Horror Story</i>: This Week’s Freakiest and Funniest Moments

It may have been the night before Thanksgiving, but the various ghosts and ghouls that haunt the Murder House weren't interested in taking a rest. American Horror Story aired one of its biggest (and best) episodes yet, "Rubber Man," which explored the origin behind that bondage-suited guy that assaulted Viven in the pilot. As per series co-creator Ryan Murphy's script, Chad (Zachary Quinto) first brought the rubber suit into the Murder House as a way to reignite the dwindling flame between him and his straying boyfriend, Pat (Teddy Sears). But when Pat soundly rejected Chad's advances, the suit was put aside and Tate donned it instead, murdering the house's current occupants and thus putting it back on the market for the Harmons to acquire. With that particularly mystery cleared up, the rest of the episode found Viven desperately trying to get her and Violet out of the house for good, but found herself blocked at every turn by its resident phantoms -- egged on by the increasingly sadistic Hayden (Kate Mara) -- and Ben's refusal to let her leave the state with their existing (and unborn) offspring. In a fit of ghost-inspired madness, Vivien fires a gun and accidentally hits her estranged hubby. At the episode's end, she escorted away to the loony bin to be "evaluated." With five chapters left to go, the battle for Vivien's sanity -- not to mention her babies -- is only going to get more intense.

Freaky: Crank Up the Baby Making Music
That sex scene between Vivien and the Rubber Man was pretty disturbing the first time around. But the brief backstory to that sequence that's introduced here makes the whole situation even more unsettling. Turns out that Tate was acting in the interests of crazy old Nora Montgomery, whose ghost was wandering through the basement of her old house confused at the "vulgar" new belongings schlepped in by the Harmons. "How can I comfort you," a voice asks her. "My baby," Nora whispers. "Is that what you want, your baby?" the voice says, chillingly, to which Nora replies, "Yes, I just want my baby." With that, the man heads out to the garbage cans where the discarded bondage suit lies waiting and heads up to Vivien's room for some of the old in-out, in-out that will later result in the twin... things growing in her belly. (In an effectively creepy touch, he breezes by a shirtless Ben on the staircase post-coitus.) Hey Tate -- good luck explaining to your girlfriend how you're her new siblings' baby daddy.

Funny: Chat Room Roulette
Two weeks ago, we chuckled at the Google search-engine stand-in "Round Search" that Violet used to research the 1994 school shooting Tate was involved in. Last night, we cracked up over the screen handle that Chad's boyfriend Pat adopted for his online sex chat sessions. Really, Pat -- "Hardlovejunky656"? That was the best you could come up with? His taste in online partners apparently wasn't much better as his virtual bondage buddy went by the moniker JungleJim4322. Chad may have been shocked that his lover was carrying on an online affair, but really he should have been more horrified that he's with someone that would think of calling themselves, "Hardlovejunky."

Freaky: Things to Do in the Murder House When You're Dead
Since poor Nora still doesn't understand her current arrangement -- that she's dead and her spirit is somehow still bound to the house -- Hayden takes it upon herself to explain the situation. At first Nora refused to believe her, but when Ben's spurned lover directs her hand to the gaping bullet wound in the back of her head, reality -- such as it is -- starts to set in. We understand her reaction; we'd be pretty freaked out to find out that we were dead too. (Speaking of Hayden, we were amused by the various ways she's invented to keep herself occupied in her copious downtime, which include knocking books off the shelves in Ben's study, screwing with the lights in the hallway to unnerve Vivien and, best of all, making out with the ghost of Constance's philandering husband and stabbing him to a bloody pulp in mid-clinch, only to see him wake up seconds later offering to get her a snack from the kitchen.)

Funny: Don't Analyze Me, Dad
Apparently completely bereft of flesh-and-blood patients now (his previous three have died violently, after all) Ben Harmon a.k.a. The World's Worst Psychiatrist attempts to work his "magic" on his daughter instead. Violet's having none of it though, throwing Ben's general uselessness right back in his face. "A discussion. Oh shit," Violet says before heading into his office. That's undoubtedly what all his clients always say when they remember they've got an appointment with Dr. Harmon.

Freaky: Hayden the Baby Snatcher
Of all the women eager to get their hands on Viven and the Rubber Man's spawn, Hayden is the most proactive about it, confronting her nemesis while Viv is sedated and saying "I want what's in your womb" before siccing a rubber-suited Tate on her for "Round 2." Like the old song goes, whatever Hayden wants, Hayden gets.

Funny: Dialogue Like This
"Pat's a great guy, Chad. Worth fighting for. And if that means that you have to fight with a cat o' nine tails and some titty clamps, well then brother, you better gear up."
"What about a muzzle? He's forever telling me I talk too much."
"It's no wonder I don't want to stick my dick in you anymore."
"How is it that a big fancy shrink hasn't noticed that his wife has totally lost her shit?"
"I swear to Christ, if you're about to diagnose me with post traumatic shock syndrome, I am gonna bash your goddamn face in!" "Fine. Let's discuss the brain eating."
"What is it about being dead that makes me so horny?"
"I don't want him, he's pathetic!" "I know, I agree. He is pathetic and he is an asshole."

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