I'm frankly shocked that it took Bad Girls Club this long to set a season in Las Vegas -- where else can you pull out a bitch's weave at 8 AM in 105-degree weather? The teaser for this season promises a lot of nudity, fighting and blacking out on the streets of Nevada, and if last night's premiere was any indication, it will all be pretty awesome and full of puking. I feel especially confident after hearing these highly ridiculous quotes during the episode (and there were more in the introductory flash-forward, but let's just stick to what we actually saw go down):
"I'd like to be a stylist for, like, celebrities, or like, the President. Obama's freaking hot! You know, if he'd wear a little bit more colors, it'd brighten him out. He'd look better."
Each of the girls had at least one insane line in their casting and bio tapes, but Erica/Venetia's politically-infused one was my favorite. Gotta say though, Amy and her "He's gonna act like a vagina, he might as well sleep with my vagina" quote was an instant classic, as was Gia's "If you date me, you should be of me."
"Oh my God, my nipple just popped out."
Can we talk about Gia's amazing outfit, by the way? The glorified bathing suit that fell down in proportion to the number of shots she probably took? This is why we watch this show.
"I can't really trust you too much, 'cause you know what they say about short people: they sneaky."
Erica wasn't the only girl with wisdom last night; Demitra also informed us that women do not sucker punch each other in Miami.
"I need to get married to something. I wanted to get married by Gary Coleman, but I didn't know he was dead. I just found out he was dead and I was like [devastated]. My next would be Mister Rogers but I think he died, too, didn't he? There was something very seductive about him when he, like, took the sweater off and put it in the closet."
Jenna and Demitra instantly hit it off as the house weirdos. I'm all for it, personally.
"I'm almost positive that's a douche"
Sometimes the Bad Girls Club cast seems to fake their dumbness a tiny bit, but I believe that Dani honestly doesn't know what a bidet is. The lady also thought Reno was a state, which I guess is closer to being accurate than her twin sister Gabi's assumption that Reno was simply the name of one casino. Other things the girls incorrectly called the bidet: duvet, Dubai, dibet, lune-ay, bod-ay, buh-day-go.
"I must say, out of all the seasons, I think this is the one where there isn't one really ugly chick."
Dani, being extremely sentimental, as far as this show is concerned.
"I should've puked all over your ugly-ass face."
Gia didn't actually say this to Amy, but in a TH. Amy replied, also in a TH, by calling her a "dwarf stripper," so that was great.
"I'm not getting kicked off the fucking show for some Wet Seal, $17-wearing bitch."
The best thing about the Gia-Amy brawl was when Gia revealed that it was 8 AM. And when her friend Ashley told her to go spit in her face, and keep spitting in her face in order to calm herself down. Which brings me to...
"It's like entertaining at first, but at some point, you're, like, girl, you really need to take a nap."
Dani not only summed up Gia's gross spitting, but also my entire philosophy of this show in general. Glad to have it back.
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