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Cable Showdown: Teen Mom vs. Teen Mom 2

by Rachel Stein February 28, 2012 6:00 am
Cable Showdown: <I>Teen Mom</i> vs. <I>Teen Mom 2</i>

It was initially disappointing to find out that Teen Mom 2 would take away precious screen time from our beloved Teen Mom, but as it turns out, after two solid seasons, the second installment of "Look How Depressing the Lives of the 16 & Pregnant Girls Are Now" gives Teen Mom a run for its money in several ways -- we're even slightly excited for the recently announced Teen Mom 3. If, however, you only have room for one teen baby mama drama in your life, here's how the two current series stack up:

The One Who Is Constantly in Jail
First and foremost, it's no laughing matter that Teen Mom's Amber Portwood attempted suicide. In general, it's not fun to see her or TM 2's Jenelle Evans constantly ruin everything in their lives and end up in jail (or "jell," as they pronounce it). But while Jenelle mostly just loves smoking weed, Amber is a physically abusive partner to the man-child that is Gary -- though, if you look at their respective rap sheets, both dabble in the other's trademarked behavior.
Winner: Strictly in terms of the televised portion of their drama factories, we'd go with Amber any day.

The Other Moms
Though this purely depends on your personal taste, the O.G. Teen Moms have the disadvantage of an entire season over their competitors. Some may have grown to love Maci, Catelynn and Farrah, but others are sick of these girls making the same bad decisions over and over again -- Maci even expressed interest in having another baby because she was getting bored!
Winner: Chelsea, Kailyn and Leah aren't necessarily more compelling, but there does seem to be a little bit more collective good decision-making amongst the TM 2 ladies.

Baby Daddies
Catelynn's fiancé Tyler is so obviously the best guy of the bunch. Some may argue that he has an unfair position in this smackdown, given that the couple gave Carly up for adoption, but his support for Catelynn goes way beyond anything that we've seen from the other Teen Dads. Maci's boys cancel each other out when you combine Ryan's douchiness with Kyle's patience. And don't get use started on Gary's... everything. Meanwhile, Jenelle didn't quite pick a winner with Kieffer, nor did Chelsea with Adam or Kailyn with Jo, but Corey -- with all of his many, many faults -- can be a really good guy sometimes.
Winner: Teen Mom. After all, Leah and Corey aren't even together anymore.

Insane Grandparents
Farrah's mother Debra has been in the news for assaulting her daughter, so you can imagine the horror show those two gave us during three seasons. But Jenelle's mom Barbara is extremely manipulative and awful to her daughter, even if it sometimes may be warranted. (Plus, she makes for some hilarious memes.)
Winner: Sorry, ladies: Neither of you can stack up to Teen Mom's Tyler's dad Butch on the tragically awful scale.

Cute Kid Factor
Maci and Bentley top the charts for popular baby names, which we have to assume is because Bentley is freaking adorable. Honestly, every kid on both shows is -- and one of Leah's kids has glasses. Come on!
Winner: As far as numbers are concerned, TM 2's regularly featured baby count is a whopping five while the other group only has three, and zero glasses whatsoever.

Overall Winner: When it comes down to it, we'd probably still take Teen Mom over its successor... but can we please, pretty please keep Barbara?

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