The first episode was a ton of filler and catch-up that amounted to nothing, and led us to a point where we might see a heated exchange between Peggy and Alexis, but we'll have to wait until next week to see how it pans out. We'd have gladly sacrificed watching Alexis make a fool out of herself on live TV with a gentleman by the name of Dr. Booty in order to see some actual exchanges between the housewives that hate each other. The episode basically amounted to a filmed status update. Couldn't they have just Tweeted the following instead?

Gretchen Having lunch with @Tamra, even though @Slade is still pissed she called him a deadbeat dad on TV.

Tamra: Bought @Gretchen shiny jewelry to smooth things over. Hope @Vicki doesn't find out I'm cheating on her.

Vicki: It's not weird at all that my ex-husband still lives in the house I'm trying to sell, right?

Alexis: I am a super mom and my husband can't even get out of bed without me helping him. #alarmclockproblems

Vicki: Dumped @Don for @Brooks. He lives halfway across the country so we never have to have icky sex.

Peggy: I still exist! I swear! And I once had sex with @Alexis's husband who is totally into the kinkiest crap.

Alexis: Have you seen my ass? If not, I'll gyrate on local TV for your pleasure. Thanks, @DrBooty

Vicki: I'm having a party for no apparent reason, just so #RHOC can pretend to have some drama.

Heather: What the hell have I gotten myself into? I just wanted to flaunt my wealth on TV like a normal person. #moneytalks

Sarah: I am a friend of Gretchen's, and I dress like a hobo and will never be allowed to be a real housewife.

Vicki: Seafood! I just discovered it. #didimentionmycajunboyfriend

Tamra: I found the shiniest material in the world and had it made into a pantsuit. #nothingistootackyforme

Alexis: I have to pretend to still be pissed at Peggy and her hyper sex drive so people don't forget about me. #Peggyisastalker

Peggy: I'm just going to stand here uncomfortably and hope someone remembers my name.

Vicki: Let's party, ladies. It's totally fine that you brought these random strangers to my house, so long as you don't hog all the food.

See? That could have saved us an hour of our lives.

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