Best Blame Game: Winterfell's new master upbraids one of Sea Bitch underlings for allowing Bran, Rickon, Hodor and Osha to escape under the cover of darkness and the guy tries to throw it right back in "Prince" Theon's face, reminding him that he wasn't much help either -- worn out, as he was, from his bout of wild wildling sex. Theon at least knows enough by now to respond to those kinds of slights with violence and he proceeds to sucker punch the guy and kick him when he's down. In Westeros, might makes right after all.

Rickon Speaks!: The forgotten Stark actually had a line this week... four of them to be precise, which were mostly related to food. Well, he is a growing boy after all. He won't start talking about girls all the time until he's at least eight.

Reason #3,478 Why We Love Arya: Instead of listening to Tywin blather on about his legacy, Arya pictures herself using her mutton-carving knife to slice up his neck. Later on, she gives the guy a history lesson in dragon warfare while he looks on with a mixture of admiration and annoyance. This whole relationship wasn't in the book, but we're loving the way that it's playing out onscreen. Maybe George R.R. Martin can retroactively write it into a post-season "author's cut" of A Clash of Kings.

Reason #2,956 Why We Hate Joffrey: According to Cersei, bringing Joffrey into this world took a day and a half. We didn't think this would ever be possible, but we actually kinda sorta feel sorry for her.

Least Impressive Prison Break: After killing his star-struck cousin Alton and an unfortunate guard, Jaime finally escapes captivity... only to immediately get re-captured the following day. Too bad he didn't have Michael Scofield around to act as a mentor.

The Carrie White Award for Most Ill-Timed Menstrual Cycle: Sansa awakens from horrifying dreams of her near-rape to discover that she's gotten her period... which means that she's able to bear Joffrey's demon spawn. Naturally, she would prefer that the Lannisters not know this, so she and Shae try to destroy the evidence, but their efforts sadly prove unsuccessful. We totally get it. The thought of Joffrey as a father freaks the hell out of us too.

Least Erotic Sex Scene: Ygritte describing her (fake) sexual encounter with embarrassed virgin Jon Snow. The poor guy's never going to want to have sex with her taunting voice ringing in his ears.

Most Bad-Ass Tyrion Moment: Putting aside his natural snark for a moment, Tyrion actually tries to give Cersei some comfort, telling her that, hey, two out of her three children aren't monsters! And all those years having sex with Jaime? She's totally not being punished for that. It takes a real bad-ass to be nice to his older sister.

Bloodiest Coup: Xaro Xhoan Daxos and Pyat Pree team up to reduce Qarth's ruling body of thirteen to a single person: Daxos, who promptly appoints himself the city's new king. Pree also extends an invitation to Daenerys to visit the House of the Undying sometime to retrieve her kidnapped dragons. And Daenerys? It's very, very rude to turn down such a invitation.

Toastiest Children: The tarred and burned bodies of Bran and Rickon (or are they... ?) that Theon displays to the Winterfell crowd at the end of the episode.

Most Memorable Lines:
"So far, hunting seems very similar to riding, my lord." -- Maester Luwin, critiquing Theon's hunting skills as they pursue the missing Stark boys.
"Did you pull a knife on me in the night?" -- Ygritte, waking up next to Jon Snow and discovering that something else woke up before her.
"Most girls are idiots" -- Arya, reminding Tywin why she's not like most girls.
"It's better to cruel than weak." -- Theon, summing up the general philosophy of Westeros.
"I thought we were done, but he said 'Turn back around.'" -- Ygritte, once again making light of Jon Snow's manhood.
"Love no one but your children." -- Cersei, in a perfectly timed Mother's Day salute.
"I'm not well suited for imprisonment. Shocking, I know. Some men are. Ned Stark. I imagine he made an excellent prisoner right up until the end." -- Jaime, offering a rare word of praise (or was it a back-handed compliment?) about the dearly departed Ned Stark.
"It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on his head." -- Tyrion, summing up The Trouble with Joffrey.

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