If you're part of the small population of people that thought Survivor needed more romance and that The Bachelor needed more snake pits, then Love in the Wild is the show for you. Though Season 2 of the reality dating/adventure show has attempted to bump up the dramatics from the previous season, kicking out Darren McMullen in favor of Jenny McCarthy, the show hasn't lost its pretty-but-totally-desperate contestants. We can't wait to see the ridiculous and semi-dangerous scenarios they will be forced into this upcoming season, all in the name of TV love. Take a look at some of the words of wisdom from the contestants on Week 1 of the new season.
"I think ladies like me for the wrong reasons. They just like hearing my voice."
-- Ben, on why he's been so unlucky in love -- apparently, his British (Irish, maybe? It's bizarrely inconsistent) accent is so hot that women rarely want to hear what he has to say. Poor Ben, he just wants to be a part of a legitimate relationship, and he'll stoop to going on a reality show to find it.
"I always get what I want. Even if I have to go in like a little cat and go in slow for the kill and then pounce, I still will get what I want. I'm here because it's time for Mr. Right. Mr. Hottie. With a body. "
-- Tara, a Barbie look-alike who would definitely be the first to die if Love in the Wild was a horror film. Tara's strategy?
"If you don't die, I'll be really surprised."
-- Our lovely host Jenny McCarthy, on the conditions that the contestants who come in last place will have to live in. In this logic, camping is hard, but being thrown into a snake pit is really just part of the game. Then again, she may have been talking to her future career -- it's really unclear.
"Any time you can get close to a beautiful woman, touch her a little bit... There's nothing wrong with that."
-- Quaison ("Q"), on his strategy for hitting on women. Actually Q, some law enforcement officials might disagree with you.
"I did one time swallow a goldfish. But only because I had to, it was part of a rugby thing."
-- Christian, making the entire world realize why an attractive 30-something man is still single. Uh, if that's a "rugby thing" you're willing to share, I don't want to think about the rugby team rituals you keep to yourself.
"I feel like I'm some exotic animal and everybody wants me."
-- Cina. Cina's confidence got her pretty far in the "real world" but she just thought that she'd grace the lonely bachelors on Love in the Wild with her presence.
"When someone throws coconuts that well, it's a turn on."
-- Yanina, unnaturally impressed by her partner's ability to toss a coconut (not a metaphor). Any woman who gauges a man's desirability by whether or not he can break a Tiki statue with a coconut probably has pretty low standards and would probably do well with the bottom-of-the-bin contestants on The Bachelorette. ABC should totally pick this girl up for next season.
"I definitely want a guy who is going to kill and skin an alligator and make me a purse instead of buying me a purse."
-- Yanina, again. She wants a "manly man," one who will fight for her, treat her like a queen, and, apparently, completely ignore poaching laws.
"The Tim-Meister came with his game. I just gave this girl the best five seconds of her life."
--Tim, on kissing Tara. Anyone who thinks it's okay to refer to themselves in first person, especially when using the most douche-bag-worthy nickname on the planet, deserves to be alone forever. Even dim Tara didn't appreciate Tim's overconfidence. Tara's take on the kiss? "It was okay, I've had better. And the kiss was so salty. Gross."
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