- "Can balls fart? Because I feel like I'm smelling that, too." (I'm considering just fast-forwarding through the cold opens from here on out because they rarely have anything to do with the actual plot and are generally terrible.)

- Oleg mentioning his "chronic erection" when my DVR still said 0:00.

- A solid few minutes of canned laughter in response to Oleg's high musings, Max asking to score some weed and then a stoned Earl coming out of the freezer, like 2 Broke Girls is some X-rated Disney Show.

- Han's only involvement in the episode being called a "bitch" by Caroline and "Lady Chatterbox" by Sophie. (Does this mean he's officially gay on the show now? Did we ever find out what happened in that men's room last week? Can I state now that I do not want to see how this show tries to write for an openly homosexual character?)

- "Did you blow a possible cupcake customer tonight?" "You know I don't mix business with pleasure."

- "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am not a whore."

- Max to Caroline: "Don't hit me, Daddy!"

- "When the Polish girl reaches six feet, you give her big party." (There's got to be an outraged Polish group boycotting is show, right?)

- Max can afford a laptop? Since when? (And for the record, I'm shocked that 2 Broke Girls didn't take a shot at TLC's Abby & Brittany, and I even laughed at: "Seriously, I don't know how Abby and Brittany do it, because I'm uncomfortable with you even sitting this close to me.")

- Caroline weirdly stands around in her bra for a few seconds while putting on her shirt. (CBS, you so naughty!)

- Like, a thousand jokes made about Caroline's small breasts and Max's huge ones.

- Oleg: "Why are your tops still on? And why isn't the plastic down? You're gonna get oil everywhere."

- Oleg described the pornos he's worked on before, a bit that I refuse to transcribe because of how lame and lazy it was.

- Max's reality spiel because we knew she was going to break all of the rules later.

- The pitch for Cupcakes Wars sounding suspiciously like a pitch for 2 Broke Girls. And Oleg responds to it with, "And how is it now a porn film?"

- Caroline and Max reduced to: "Edgy with big boobs and the try-hard. Muscle and the hustle. Double D's and the ditz," without retaining any sort of dignity. (Also, was it just me, or where there more jokes about Caroline and Max being whores/sluts than usual?)

- Caroline having a complete lack of composure in front of the Food Network cameras.

- The tenth joke about Hurricane Katrina (though the first one, "You also called our apartment a 'disaster' in front of two ladies whose apartments washed away," caught me off-guard.)

- Max totally freaking out at the ingredients when one of her options if buttermilk... has she not heard of red velvet cake?

- "It looks like I'm baking, right Max?" (That's So Caroline!)

- "As Ludacris would say, 'Move bitch, get out the way.'"

Minute I stopped paying attention and had to rewind: I actually didn't have to -- the New Orleans ladies helped hold my attention for a while, and the episode was over before I knew it.

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