The first five minutes of the premiere of American Horror Story's second season -- now starring Adam Levine! -- is online now for your viewing pleasure. Spooky setting? Check. Gratuitous sex? Check? Creepy credit sequence? Check. All we're missing is the requisite appearance by a character with Down's Syndrome and then we'll really know that this is a Ryan Murphy production.

And we have a winner in the "Which Fall Show Will Get Cancelled First" sweepstakes! CBS has rubbed out Made in Jersey after two episodes. Undercover Boss will take over its Friday timeslot starting November 2. Which series will be the next to go? We're thinking Animal Practice's simian star might want to ring up his old employers on Community to see if they're planning on bringing Annie's Boobs back.

Having hightailed it out of Private Practice, Eric Dane will star in TNT's new post-apocalyptic series The Last Ship, playing the captain of a seafaring vessel after a disaster has wiped out much of humanity. So it's the show Last Resort would be if Andre Braugher actually had nuked Pakistan in the pilot?

Mother of Dragons and Girlfriend of Seth MacFarlane Emilia "Daenerys" Clarke is making her Broadway debut in a production of Breakfast at Tiffany's set to bow on the Great White Way in February 2013. Clarke will be slipping into Audrey Hepburn's old wardrobe as Holly Golightly. That ensemble should look better on her than it did on Jennifer Love Hewitt in that TV biopic we're all pretending never existed.

Funnyman Paul Scheer is set to guest star on Modern Family as a Costco manager who has to deal with the formidable tag team that is Claire and Gloria. If he's smart, he'll use his employee discount to purchase a bulk box of earplugs.

In other welcome guest star news, Megan Mullally will reappear on Parks and Recreation again this season as Ron's librarian ex, Tammy 2. Bad news for Mr. Swanson, but great news for all of us.

ABC Family is ending their flagship series The Secret Life of an American Teenager after its fifth season, which will premiere in March. That's good news for star Shailene Woodley, who we're hoping finds a role that proves her performance in The Descendants wasn't a fluke.

As one show ends, another re-ups its lease on life. TLC has greenlit a third season of Dance Moms. A nation of tutu-wearing girls can no rest a little easier.

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