I figured that "And the Pre-Approved Credit Card" would end up being an episode about Max and Caroline getting screwed over with sky-high interest rates by whatever shady company sent them sketchy junk mail credit card -- but silly me for thinking that 2 Broke Girls would ever make any sense at all ever. Instead, this week's installment was weirdly about lizards, shoes, Cedric the Entertainer and a puppet named Justin Beaver, which frankly sounds more like some kind of strange nightmare than one of the most-watched sitcoms on network TV. Given that "And the Pre-Approved Credit Card" had no actual consequences and very little plot, let's just jump right into the groans.
- Right off the bat, the Stretch of a Topical Reference of the Week: "Breaking Bad? We're more like broke and sad!"
- Max: "Here, stick this in and hold it... I swear I've said that before but I don't think it was about shoes." (Does this even make sense as an innuendo?)
- The sexually harassing meatheads at the diner and the overly-complicated joke Max made after Caroline spilled their food on them about the dudes having shrunken testicles from using steroids.
- Sophie, on why she wears what she thinks of as toned-down glittery high heels to the gym: "The weight room's a real meat rack"
- Sophie's strange, "All right, nighty night!" (Did I miss something there? Also, when the writers don't give Sophie lines about freaky sex, she waivers between being "pretty funny" and "absolutely senseless and insane.")
- Max saying she hates the arts, despite everything else we've learned about her ever.
- Caroline's sudden obsession with getting new shoes, despite countless episodes of her taking pride in being thrifty (though I guess her character is indulgent sometimes, maybe?).
- The laugh track bursting in glee when Earl reveals he has more than one child.
- "Credit cards are more trouble than a priest at a Wiggles concert!"
- Max's sudden obsession with lizards.
- The multiple times I had to rewind during the scene with Darius (Cedric the Entertainer) and Earl, as I could only understand every other word that came out of Earl's mouth.
- The third, fourth and fifth time the characters played out the "You've got to laugh!"/"Do you?" gag. (Though I genuinely smiled at Darius the Hilarious's Caroline impression: "She's like, 'Oh my god, do black people eat soup?'")
- 2 Broke Girl's latest lazy attempt at the New York subway system, where the L is listed at going to the Bronx. (Do they even bother to research anything on this show?)
- "This is New York; it's made of pee."
- The skeezy guy in the suit shop who hit on Max and Caroline, and later, Max's, "You heard the man; it can go down if you go down."
- The sixth "You gotta laugh."
- Darius's obviously terrible material (which is just so below the quality and sophistication of writing 2 Broke Girls usually has, right?), and some weird maybe anti-Semitic thing that I'm not going to bother transcribing.
- The seventh "You gotta laugh."
- The joke about phalluses that I anticipated Sophie making. (Instead, it was about the celery stick she was holding up looking like a microphone, which is funny because she's in a comedy club. I totally laughed out loud at this, I'm not even kidding.)
- Darius's suit.
- "And yes, I was stoned, but Caroline was laughing just as hard as me." (Where does Max even get money for weed?)
- The eighth "You gotta laugh."
- The ninth "You gotta laugh," with a bonus: "Do we?"
- Darius's "good material" turning out to be as bad as the jokes on this show.
- "Do they?"
- No actual explanation of how Max fixed Caroline shoes -- unless she just doesn't like the word cobbler, which, whatever.
Minute I stopped paying attention and had to rewind: 13, when we first sat down with Darius and I realized this is what the episode was going to be about, and again at 17 when the ladies were in the underground suit shop.
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