I just want to point out "And the Three Boys With Wood" started out with Max tending to a horse, and ended with Caroline grinding with an Amish boy -- causing him to instantaneously orgasm and have a panic attack and then get taken away in an ambulance -- and shortly thereafter, she got an odd text message from Andy who immediately came outside and started making out with her. Oh, and then a stray cat with really fake sound effects growled at Max. This is real show on network television.
I don't even know where to begin with how bad this episode was on an overall level, but I would like to state for the record that with each and every installment, 2 Broke Girls is becoming more and more clearly like a contemporary Married... with Children -- and I do mean the later seasons. A Breaking Amish subplot was about as terrible of an idea that this show has ever had; though, on the bright side, the studio audience/laugh track didn't cheer when Sophie came in this time. And was I the only person who thought Andy wasn't interested in Caroline because she was acting like an out-of-character weirdo and not because she's the Caroline Channing? Let's get to the many more groans:
- "Wow, I guess autumn really is coming."
- "All I know is that if I had nine lives, I wouldn't wear a condom."
- [On what is acceptable for a first date] Max: "Well, I'm pretty classy, so... anal." Caroline: "I'm not that poor."
- The second anal joke that was made before the episode was three minutes in.
- "So, did you touch his Whatchamacallit? Did you bring him to Almond Joy?" "His Butterfingers got nowhere near my Mounds" [...] "Well, your Mounds are more like Sno-Caps, but continue."
- Oleg: "I must go to the men's room right now."
- "Oleg is always looking for an excuse to put it somewhere. Why do you think we don't serve bagels anymore?"
- "He might be into me, but he doesn't seem to want to get into me."
- "You're like, 80 pounds and a coke addiction shy of being qualified to be a gay guy's female friend." (Maybe the worst 2 Broke Girls line ever.)
- Han's homosexual experience story. (By the way, whatever happened to Han in the bathroom with the other guy at the movie theater? Are we just going to forget about that plotline completely?)
- "We're here on Rumspringa." "And I'm here on a little bit of vodka!"
- "Did you see the size of her nursers?" (Okay, I totally laughed at this, but I hate myself for it.)
- "You love every culture. You salute the flags at IHOP when we walk by."
- "There seems to be plenty of wood right here."
- "The first time I saw a picture of those fat twins on scooters, I was hard for days."
- "It's hipster talk, Jacob, and it's awesome."
- The many, many jokes both about Andy being gay and about Jacob's erection.
- "This is like when they cancelled Christmas in my village." (What is even the joke there? That Sophie's hometown is small?)
- On Emoji: "I once got naked guy, naked girl, tombstone. I wasn't sure what it meant but I immediately got tested."
- "Slut, party of one."
- "I'm not saying I'm that hot, but I've never seen anybody drop wood and get wood at the same time."
- "You forced a gay guy to go out with me? Who am I, the girl with lupus at the prom?"
- "Andy is not gay. He hasn't said one mean thing about strangers while I've been around him." (Even the "audience" nearly groaned at this.)
- "C'mon Jacob, I'm gonna tear dat ass up!"
Minute I stopped paying attention and had to rewind: 8:00, 16:30 and again at 23:00.
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