Do's
- Jess considers her mom to be a little bit perky, because she doesn't have her dark side.
- Hug ball.
- Jess' dad Bob and Nick having so much in common: "Nick, you're gonna love my dad so much. He's so unhappy."
- Nick on Parent Trapping Rules: "There's no identical twins or mistaken identity? It's not a parent trap, it's a makeover."
- One True Schmidt.
- Joan on her makeover: "Wow, I look like a slutty Katie Couric."
- That Jess's mom blames Cece for everything and doesn't just universally adore her.
- Nick flirting with Jess's mom. "Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably."
- Determining manliness involves: touching hot pans, eating candles, belching, farting loudly, punching trees, headbutting benches, getting punched in the balls and what sounds like autoerotic asphyxiation.
- Jess's Plan B: "You could always move in with me. We could get a condo in Miami. Start solving crimes together."
- We can never get enough Grey Gardens references: "I can't wait to eat cat food with you."
- The rekindled sexytimes between the Days: "You just wanted me for my body... and I'm fine with that."

Don'ts
- Most of the Parent Trap stuff. She's too old to try and get her parents back together and stare at them wistfully when they make out. But we did appreciate that it occasionally involved her texting naked pictures of her mom.
- The zombie Twilight novel that Nick is working on.
- That regular Schmidt wouldn't kiss Winston. Seemed like something he'd totally do.
- That Winston was so bored and out of the loop that he spent the day mediating the One True Schmidt competition.

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