Penny
She had to wear a helmet because of injuries sustained from, well, life. The girl conks her head by doing everything from falling over podiums to running into lamps. They made a whole montage. Of course, this is when she met the adorable Pete (the other P in the titular Romance Factory), and made him do things like picnic at a construction site and go on a Segway tour in order to hide her helmet. We could watch her awkwardly stuff paper towels behind her head all day.

Her best lines:
- "Quaint, isn't that the spot between a gal's goal and her penalty box?"
- "I have helmet, helmet doesn't have me."
- "I do think he's getting a little weirded out that I only want to go on dates where we wear helmets."
- "I hit my head a lot. Like a cartoon coyote a lot."

Max

His standup comedy routine from fifth grade was his goofy Seinfeld impression, which was cute, and then he and Brody from the bar got into it over fistbumping ettiquite. Again, mostly funny if you can visualize the turkey fistbump or chubby young Max getting tricked by the "down low, too slow."

Dave
Not much going on, but we he does think that he personally invented "down low, too slow" and takes responsibility for the childhood trauma he caused.

His best lines:
- "Did you valet your kayak or did you find street parking?"
- "I invented down low, too slow. I did this to you."
- "Becky died that summer. My Girl style."
- "I'm going to use my knowledge of handshake trickery and teach you a counter move to the turkey fistbump."

Brad
Tries to help Jane fit in with her car selling coworkers, but ends up bonding with the other trophy wives. But when Jane makes fun of his spending habits to her coworkers, he goes nuts and buys a teacup piggy. It's clearly an homage to Honey Boo Boo's Glitzy.

His best lines:
- "I made it in our candle studio/laundry room."
- "What are you talking about, Candace? You'd look great with bangs."
- "Are you calling me a trophy wife? Because that is awesome."
- "Balsamic so old, it's a burden on its children."
- "It has to have a special little piggy airbag for my new BFF."

Jane
Desperately wants to fit in with her new coworkers, and tries real hard to bond over porn and football. Also, she did a terrible Jack Nicholson impression.

Her best lines:
- "What, question mark, is, question mark, that, question mark?"
- "You and the guys want to go check out some porno? Get some eyes on some thighs? Some peepers on some creepers? Some rods and cones on some bras and thongs?"
- "Brad is so spoiled, he can't sing 'Louie, Louie' without adding 'Vuitton, Vuitton.'"
- "She looks like a Tom Petty Halloween mask.

Alex
She didn't do much here, but we could honestly watch her gleefully test out helmets by banging her head against the wall all day long.

Her best lines:
- "He could be your soulmate, your kindred spirit, your one tree hill."
- "Witnessday."
- "Is that a quote from Iron Man 2?"

Car Czar
His abrasive and insulting humor merits his own spot on the list this week. We're just glad that we don't have to work with him. Or be married to him.

His best lines:
- "You found her hobby -- making bad versions of things you could just as easily buy in the store."
- "If shopping were an Olympic sport, my wife would be... a fat bitch."
- "Is there a ten-inch whore here? Because that was a low blow."
- "Thanks for the scotch. That was the second-best 18-year-old I've had all week."

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