Do's
- Jess' reasoning for the oddball double-dating: "You're dating a stripper, I'm dating a tall handsome doctor. We're both kind of living the dream."
- Friends keep friends in check when they are out of control and striving for perfection: "I'm glad you are keeping your expectations at a reasonable level."
- How to sell Nick on a weekend getaway: "Did you say free? We're 100 percent in. I'll go pack now."
- Schmidt's thoughts on Winston socializing at a bar: "You were so light and charming. You were like Pixar Winston."
- Racially inappropriate Schmidt conversation of the night: "White Nick, Brown Cece... I'd like to have a frank discussion about race. Do you think we're allowing Winston to be his blackest self?"
- Angie telling it like it is: "I had to stop and buy this bitchass a helmet because he wouldn't stop being a bitchass."
- Schmidt's desperation in trying to bond with Winston: "I want to be the black friend that you never had."
- A game we'd like to play: "I've never played sexy Boggle before."
- Angie's thoughts on gun control: "Where were these when we were having sex?"
- Loved the visual of Nick completely being able to shoot a can, even at super close range. Can totally see his parents not wanting to give him a BB gun because he'd shoot his eye out.
- While Jess waving a gun around was stupid (as was "give me the boomstick"), we loved watching Angie vaguely flirt with her and Nick's reaction: "Fantasy and nightmare colliding."
- Angie just gets Jess. She totally gave her motivation for shooting a gun, without missing a beat: "The can is your ex-boyfriend and he did not respect your space and thought that the arts and crafts section of your house was ridiculous."
- The best thing Winston has ever said: "Schmidt... I could really go for some crack."
- Followed closely on the Winston awesome list by his entire made-up crack baby story and this gem: "Nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs."
- Schmidt's a friend to the end: " "If crack cocaine is what you want, then crack cocaine is what we are going to get." And "Schmidt ain't about no frozen yogurt. We're gonna go score some crack cocaine."
- Why we like her, too: ""I like Angie, she's cool. It's kind of like riding a poorly maintained carnival ride."
- The absinthe stuff mostly falls under don'ts, except for Dr. Sam breathing fire as he puked into the fireplace, and Nick trying to eat while totally wasted and this one line: "Dr. Sam, if you were a hat, you'd be a top hat. Like a really big Monopoly one."
- Schmidt's standards: "I don't want to ask the wrong person and end up with some sub-par crack. I want the fresh crack, not some crack that's been laying around all day."
- Robert the "drug dealer" fighting with the child safety locks. So much awesome without making a sound.
- Why Schmidt does what he does: "You're forced to live here with Jess and Nick, and they are honky as hell."
- Why Winston is secretly the best roommate?: "I live in a loft with three people that happen to be white, and believe you me, there are so many more things I find annoying about you that I haven't even gotten to race."
- The things we are just learning about Angie: "By the way, you've been really cool about the Jamiroquai tattoo on my butt."
- Dr. Sam might be more cool than we thought: "Can we just concentrate on the fact that I was tripping pretty hard on absinthe and I said no to a stripper?"
- Nick bucks: "Fully redeemable for smiles and any one item from my bureau."

Don'ts
- Lines like these are too dumb: "Let's let Winston turn on his black switch. Let his black light shine."
- Schmidt putting a rasta hat on Winston's head... also too far.
- Drunk paranoia, if not done well, always comes across really stupid on television. This whole absinthe thing was really forced. And lines like "the absinthe has founded a new host...the toilet," didn't help matters.
- Schmidt calling Robert to the car with a weird bird call. He's not that stupid.
- Jess insisting that she knows what Nick wants out of a relationship. Don't be so preachy.
- Line's like these that are just lazy: " You can eat salad in my back seat anytime."
- Nick eating garbage potato salad... just because it grossed us out.

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