Obviously, the best part of this game wasn't the commercials, or even the halftime show, or hell, even the game. In this case, it was all about the blackout, or the partial power outage at the stadium that caused reporters' heads to explode and players to lie on the ground "stretching" but looking like they were dying. That's good entertainment for us non-sportsy types, even if it made this game end even later than normal. But before we get to the commercial spots, can we just give a shout-out to the lovely Jennifer Hudson who looked fantastic and sounded even better while belting out "God Bless America"? And can we ask again if Alicia Keys has a codependent relationship with her piano? Because, honestly, her "Star-Spangled Banner" was average, and the piano was a major distraction. And while we appreciated the Destiny's Child reunion, it was a little sad that Kelly and Michelle only got to do snippets of their songs before having to sing one of Beyonce's solo numbers and then be shooed off stage. We kept expecting something more. Like maybe Beyonce to actually hit her mark in the opening so the body-forming lights would have gone around her. But whatever, on to the commercials.
Their business may be in trouble, but at least they know how to make a funny commercial. Getting Amy Poehler to harass their tech guy was great. "Does it ready Fifty Shades of Grey" to me in a sexy voice?" Her incessant questions reminded us of her SNL character Kaitlin, but in a more grown-up and subdued sort of way.
Geeky kid gets keys to his dad's car, goes to prom stag and kisses the queen... and then gets punched. Cute without being sappy.
Naya Rivera playing around with the red M&M to the tune of "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" made us laugh, proving that her talents are wasted on Glee.
2 Broke Girls Spectacular
We normally ignore promos for the network's TV shows, but watching the girls dance around to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" in sparkly skanky get-ups was better than watching the actual show. And that's probably the nicest thing we've said about 2 Broke Girls in a while. To watch, click here.
Not their stupid Black Crown commercials, or even their voodoo-infused Stevie Wonder Bud Light commercials, which collectively probably cost a fortune to make, but their sweet Clydesdale spot with the guy raising a horse from a colt. They should know by now that they can't go wrong with their signature horses. Nearly brought us to tears more than that overly sentimental Oprah/Jeep commercial supporting our troops, which while sweet (and purposefully emotionally manipulative) had so little to do with Jeeps.
Using that Fun. song might have been annoying, but airing it in Spanish and having retirees out partying actually made it fun without the annoying period.
We actually liked both the Goats 4 Sale spot (mostly because we had insatiable appetites during the game) and the ad with the dads getting dressed up like pretty princesses for Doritos. If we had to pick one, we'd go with the goat one... for the sheer randomness.
Their campaign was awful. The one with the guy choking on the hot dog and the one below, with a groom passing out and the bride calling for an agent for the purpose of finding them a house. Lame. Can these people call the State Farm folks instead?
Kaley Cuoco. Genie. Infinite witches. So stupid.
We're beyond officially over "Gangnam Style" and we certainly didn't need to see PSY cracking nuts.
Bar Refaeli making out with a nerd might have been cute, but the extreme close-ups made us wish we didn't have access to hi-def television.
The white guy with the Jamaican accent because he drives the New Beetle? We wanted to punch this commercial in the face and bring back Fahrvergnügen.
Did anyone care about the outcome of that chase for soda with the showgirls that were blatantly ripping off The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?
The party filled with famous faces celebrating that Jared has stayed thin for 15 years was just depressing. He didn't even look like he wanted to be there.
Did you know the world goes to hell if The Rock isn't able to chase down a milk delivery truck? It was too much like the Time Warner Cable ones with Ricky Gervais that we've been subjected to for ages.
Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen together should equal comic gold, right? Right? Nope. Not so much. We'd rather watch the LeBron-centric commercial instead.
Because nothing says disgusting smelling body spray like an astronaut on the beach.
Farming sounds like terrible work, but supposedly God made farmers... and wanted them to have Dodge Rams. Did he also want those idiots on Buckwild to have them to destroy by intentionally driving through mud?
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