The E! Upfront felt very true to the E! Network brand -- the red carpet was fenced by fangirls and boys screaming at the top of their lungs whenever a new celebrity arrived, the party's decor was like being inside of someone's swanky living room, the presentation was completely phoned-in and all of the big E! stars left within an hour of the party (sadly, the Burning Love gang never even showed up)... save for Ryan Lochte, who was too engulfed in a sea of drooling women with camera phones (present company included) to escape with the rest of his new coworkers. Compare this to the Bravo Upfronts presentation, where there were at least a few risks taken programming-wise, and then the Bravo party, where those no-good reality stars at least stayed well into the night -- though realistically, they were probably contractually obligated to. But still. It was way more fun and better planned.

On this slow week for TV on DVD, get admitted to the wacky antics of Childrens Hospital.

Cry "Dracarys" and let slip the dragons of war in our highlights reel of Game of Thrones's fourth Season 3 episode, "And Now His Watch Is Ended."

With the midterm cluster[redacted] behind them, "Signals" sends Selina Meyer and her staff on to the next disaster, which in this case awaits them in North Carolina where a pig picnic organized by the state's pork board will serve as the launching pad for POTUS's new "U.S. Hay" campaign aimed at increasing the administration's facetime with rural America. Selina is being dispatched to attend this bit of political theater, but two personal bombshells trip her up from the jump. First, her daughter Catherine pens a controversial review of the pro-Palestinian (and Oscar-nominated) documentary 5 Broken Cameras that threatens to upset ties with Israel. Then, a tabloid report exposes all the secret signals she and her staff use to extricate her from unpleasant situations... like a pig roast. Given all that tsuris, it's no wonder that the tart-tongued insults were flying fast and furious last night. Here were the episode's finest put-downs.

Special shout-out to Josh from Off Pitch who wins ugly cry of the week hands down. Especially considering how over dramatic he was being about possibly not getting into the Grand River Singers. He was worse than a failed American Idol contestant.

The first scene of "Jerry's Retirement" has the triumphant return of Ben's Letters to Cleo shirt, so you knew it was going to be fun. I didn't love it as much as "Article Two," but the premise of Jerry retiring was hilarious, and it only further confirms my theory that in the season finale, we'll learn that Leslie, April and Ann are all pregnant... you know, assuming there's a bit of a time-jump or something. Until then, let's do this:

"Article Two" and "Jerry's Retirement" are easily two highlights of the fifth Parks and Recreation season -- though for the sake of transparency, they aired at a time when I really needed a laugh.

The Community gang celebrated Christmas last night, but all that audiences got from "Intro to Knots" was a lump of coal. The premise was the fatal flaw on last week's all-puppet outing, but in this case execution was the thing that proved to be lacking. Conceived in part as an homage to Alfred Hitchcock's one-set, one-take, real-time feature film stunt Rope, "Knots" was built around the most consistent element Community has had going for it during this all-over-the-map fourth season -- the cast -- and, unfortunately, they dropped the ball. Maybe it was the aftermath of Chevy Chase's departure (this episode was filmed after he quit the show, necessitating Ken Jeong's presence as the study group's sixth wheel) or maybe it was the simple exhaustion that sets in after ten episodes are in the can with three left to shoot, but there was a noticeable disconnect between the performers and the material throughout the half-hour. Only guest star Malcolm McDowell seemed to have any energy and he spent the majority of the episode tied up (or so we assumed) in a chair.

While I probably wouldn't recommend someone who's never seen Awkward to watch "Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes"/"Responsibly Irresponsible" as a way to understand what all the hype is about, as a fan of the show, I'm so happy that it's back and as dark as ever. The problems the show's always had are still there -- Val's role, the emotional intelligence of Lacey, the bizarrely silent extras (or is that new?), Tamara's speech patterns, the more ridiculously cartoonish moments -- and I think Jenna's pregnancy scare felt out-of-nowhere and was really oddly acted between Ashley Rickards and Nikki Deloach. Still, there were some pretty great gags last night that cracked me up and made me hope I was at least half as wise-beyond-my-years in high school as Jenna Hamilton is. Given that I really appreciate MTV letting this show continue to exist, I'll resist nitpicking and instead go over the highlights:

The new Flash Gordon wasn't such a miracle.