So I just got a chance to watch the season premiere of Rock of Love: If this Bus Is a Rockin' Don't Come a Knockin' and I'm flabbergasted. I would have watched last night, but I was too busy writing about the quality program Superstars of Dance. Sigh. At least RoL:Bus was entertaining... if terrifying. Potes did a fabulous job of recapping this skanktastic episode, but there were some things I had to see with my very own eyes to believe, and now I need a long shower. But the whole thing left me with some burning questions (I hope I didn't contract something while watching it!) that I've listed below.
Gentlemen, grab your condoms and head on over to the VH1 casting offices. You can win a chance to date Daisy de la Hoya, she of Rock of Love fame. You remember, she was the one that looked like Janice from The Muppet Show and was super slutty. So if you are one of those Plushies or have been dying to pick up Bret Michaels' sloppy seconds (and STDs), now's your chance. And there's good news for you internet porn lovers: you don't even have to move from your computer, you can apply online to be a part of the skankfest. And then fans, or people who can't turn away from this massive, disgusting trainwreck, can vote on whether you are worthy to compete for a chance at
sleeping with getting a blow job from dating Daisy.
"Daisy has no involvement with Bret and my relationship, therefore there is no validity to her statement."
So yeah, he totally nailed that Daisy person. Probably wore a red bandana when he did it, too. He's Bret Michaels. I'm Mindy Monez. I have no idea what I'm talking about.
So it's not a big secret that my biggest guilty pleasure is Rock of Love. It's not just the insanely over the top drunken antics and really slutty girls that make this show so addictive, but it is also Bret himself. There's something oddly intriguing about the way he makes every girl, no matter if she's just puked her brains out or has spent the evening curled up with speed bump, feel like she's special. He's sort of a sweetheart underneath the fake hair, the gross bandanna and the rocker image. I was hoping that Antonio Sabato Jr.'s new show My Antonio would be similar to Rock of Love and fill that disease ridden void in my TV diet, but alas, it doesn't measure up. I worked up this little side-by-side comparison to prove my point.
We've already put out our plea for bubble show Chuck to return next fall, but plenty more of our favorites are in danger of falling through the network programming cracks. Here's nine more series that deserve another season, but may not get one. We know, we know, wishin' and hopin' didn't do Pushing Daisies any good, but we're sending out a prayer to the TV powers-that-be anyway: when upfront time rolls around in a month or so, please let at least some of these shows reappear on your schedules.
Finding love in the wild world of reality TV, it is just hard to know if a girl is a skank or a ho. If she's just a famewhore who wants some media attention, or if she really truly loves you with your venereal diseases and all. That's why Bret Michaels, who thought he found love twice before, is on the hunt again with Rock of Love 3. This is the most disgustingly awesome news we've heard all day.
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