by Angel Cohn, a terrible poet, who doesn't watch The Bachelorette but has been forced to edit the weecaps all season.
DeAnna dear, it's time to choose,
Which bachelor will be denied,
Between these two beaus you just can't lose,
Though for us at home, this season has been refried.
Even though you've kissed and more
And come across like a whore
These last two months have been quite a bore.
We're currently suffering through the most boring season of The Bachelorette to date, and that's even taking into consideration the fact that Bentley was a brutally honest douchebag and that there was a guy wearing a mask for several episodes. And now we hear rumors that Emily might be the star of the show's next season. Really? Is that because her dates with Brad were just so riveting? The only one excited about this news is probably Bentley, who is likely chomping at the bit to humiliate yet another woman. So while it seems like another dull season is on the horizon, we've got some suggestions (i.e. wishful thinking) for how The Bachelorette could actually improve if it wanted to.
The Bachelorette has steadily become more and more excruciatingly painful to watch each and every season. There's so much filler now, and the show is totally irrelevant as the majority of couples usually break up as quickly as they get together. Plus, every episode is "very special" or "shocking" when it really isn't at all. They spoiled Reid's surprise return in the previews the week before. And did anyone actually really think that Jillian would pick Kiptyn when she couldn't shut the hell up about Ed after he came back? It's not just Jillian's fault that this particular season was so terrible -- the entire show needs a major overhaul (and so does The Bachelor, but one thing at a time), and here are some ideas for improving it.
It's summertime, so we've happily lowered our standards in regard to what we'll watch on television. But there is low and then there are shows that we're more than a little bit ashamed to admit that we not only watch... but actually enjoy. On occasion we discover shows like Pretty Little Liars, which we think we're going to have to DVR in secret but that then turn out to be genuinely well done. Or shows like True Blood, which is basically sexy vampire porn, but are OK because all our friends watch, too. But the rest of them... well, they wind up on our don't ask, don't tell list. But if you watched them as well, we'd feel a whole lot better about it. Here's our top (or bottom) ten:
For years we've been conditioned to lower our TV expectations during the warmer months, seeking out shows that we would never allow to clutter our overstuffed DVRs at any other time of year. But even though it's only early June, there's already an unusually high amount of truly addictive television - shows that we should be ashamed to watch, but aren't. Here's our top ten favorite guilty viewing pleasures of the summer so far.
We're hard-pressed to decide if the most annoying habit on reality TV right now is Frederik (Million Dollar Listing) doing high kicks when he makes a deal, or Bear Grylls (Get Out Alive) stalking people with binoculars and then telling them they need to be better about eating maggots. Either way, they both drive us crazy but neither of them are as horrible as these people.
In the biggest reality surprise of the week, Brian (from The American Baking Competition) did a complete 180. The guy who had been cocky, off-putting and pretty rude the entire time decided to be a human being and actually help the adorable James with a challenge. It didn't save poor James, but it did dramatically change our opinion of Brian.
Things we didn't need to hear this week: Gia and Joe Giudice on Real Housewives of New Jersey) chatting about how she has a hairy grill and the birds and the bees; Susan on Hell's Kitchen discussing her pubic grooming habits; and Cathy from Dance Moms talking trash about Abby Lee Miller. The Candy Apples-focused Dance Moms nearly killed us, but these other people still managed to be even worse examples of humankind:
And once again, The Walking Dead has a new showrunner.
Don't worry couch potatoes, there will be plenty to watch next summer when everyone else is outside.
MOST RECENT POSTS