Say what you will about the moral aspect of parents parading their children around in intense competitions that may or may not be age-appropriate, but in terms of the entertainment factor of the TV shows that portray these cultures, it's hard to argue that they're not at least a little bit intriguing, if not shamefully enjoyable. After all, the best parts of these series come from the pointless drama and the stressed-out adults. (Though I do like the moments when the kids are genuinely happy, too. I'm not a monster!) TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras has had a strong choke-hold on the market of madness since early 2009... but after a strong premiere season of Lifetime's Dance Moms, I think it's necessary to pit these two shows against each other in a grudging, hair-pulling battle of exploitative candid reality shows, if not only to cut down your weekly intake of stage mothers next season. Just know that when I say "Winner", I mean which show I would rather watch, given the battle.
We're hoping those ladies from the Real Housewives of New Jersey really upped their energy for the upcoming reunion because their stupid back-and-forth fighting about next to nothing really didn't merit them even one spot on our list this week.
It was a rough week to be a kid.
Our favorite person this week had to be drunk Kris Jenner brushing her teeth with a Dora the Explorer toothbrush and TP'ing her daughter Kim's house. It totally made up for her talking about her problems peeing. Other reality stars this week were not so entertaining in their awfulness.
Things we didn't need to hear this week: Gia and Joe Giudice on Real Housewives of New Jersey) chatting about how she has a hairy grill and the birds and the bees; Susan on Hell's Kitchen discussing her pubic grooming habits; and Cathy from Dance Moms talking trash about Abby Lee Miller. The Candy Apples-focused Dance Moms nearly killed us, but these other people still managed to be even worse examples of humankind:
Talk about putting the Bomb in Bombshell.
Here's a thought: Maybe don't blatantly lie and humiliate people national TV.
You'd think these awful people would take a summer vacation at some point, but no.
TLC's new spin-off of Toddlers & Tiaras' breakout star, Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" Thompson, begins with the six-year-old-child farting at the camera. The promos featured the word "redneck" prominently. Most people who were familiar with the little girl had heard her utter the phrase "A dolla makes me holla!" That is to say: We were warned.
It's almost better when you've got no idea what these people are talking about. Here we present the week's best out of context quotes plucked straight from reality television.
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