Upon hearing the news that Kurt Russell, my favorite movie star in the whole damn universe, is a leading contender to take over William Peterson's role on CSI, I had mixed emotions. First I was like, "The Kurt! On the TV! Yes!" But then I remembered that I don't watch CSI, I've never even seen CSI, and the only things I know about CSI are that they talk about pubic hair on it a lot (Reno 911 told me!) and that it's my 90-year-old grandmother's favorite show. We don't watch the same shows because she's 66 years older than I am, so naturally we have different tastes in what she likes to call "progr'ms."

Proof positive that the porn 'stache has reached critical mass and that the soft-rock renaissance is just getting started: according to Billboard, a cartoon starring John Oates (of Hall & Oates, duh) and his magical mustache is being shopped around to various networks. If all goes according to plan, J-Stache will focus on a buttoned up, family -oriented Oates whose infamous mustache is trying to lure him back into the rock & roll lifestyle.

Screw you, dudes who canceled Studio 60! You can't keep the lovable Matthew Perry down! The former Chandler Bing has signed on to star in the developing series The End of Steve (I swear, when I read that title I assumed it was another 90210 spin-off about someone trying to kill Steve for some reason, which makes no sense and would be the worst show ever -- then I got scared. Don't worry, I was totally wrong) about a radio DJ in a dead-end job in Rochester, NY who wants out. Perry's character is also reportedly real big on swearing, and the show's creator promises that he will even drop the C-word in the very first episode. Oh, creator guy, do you promise?! I don't know guys, who do you think will pick this thing up? ABC Family? Yeah, probably ABC Family, you're right.

Can I get a "fuck yeah"? Rumors of an Office spin-off are true and better than I could ever have hoped for: Aziz Ansari, of the genius MTV sketch comedy show Human Giant and the hilar-town Asiz Is Bored website (not to mention a full-fledged celeb amongst comedy nerds, of which I am one), is the first cast member that NBC has unveiled for the forthcoming show. Other news about casting and plot are being kept under wraps, but this news speaks volumes about the direction of the show and bodes well -- very well for its potential greatness. Office executive producer Greg Daniels told Variety, "We're meeting with a lot of cool people. We're trying to see how the pieces all fit together." The to-be-named show will premiere this winter right after the OG Office. In the words of Mindy, hollerate!

The recruiting process for a show like Celebrity Rehab is much more discriminating than you might imagine. Like The Surreal Life and other reality shows of its ilk, CR requires a very specific mix of celebrities who fall into precise pop culture-based categories. The more a categories a celeb belongs to, the more incentive, to my mind, there is to cast him or her (and the more likely he or she will be to provoke all manner of drama on the show). Taking cues from last season's diverse lineup, I've devised a crib sheet of pre-req's that stars must satisfy to be eligible for the show from here on out.

So a little while ago I ripped on Starz's television adaptation of Crash for being a stupid idea with a no-name cast. While I still think turning that movie into a TV show is a stupid idea that I'm dreading having to watch, it appears that Dennis Hopper has swooped in at the last minute to save the series. The film icon is set to star in the series as Ben, an aging record producer looking for his next big hit. Am I insane, or does that sound like a character Hopper has played a million times before but still awesome, all at the same time? I'm sure he'll be snorting a lot of coke, drinking a lot of whiskey, wearing a leather jacket in every scene and, hopefully, kicking a lot of ass.

Thanks to Videogum for hepping me to details of amazing forthcoming soap Sordid Lives, set to premiere in July on Logo. The gaystastic campfest, which is based on a cult play, will star Rue McClanahan, Beth "Sparkle Motion" Grant, Caroline Rhea, Olivia Newton-John (I know, right?!) and fag-hag par excellence Margaret Cho as a gaggle of trash-talkin', pill-,poppin', Tammy Wynette-lovin' Southern gals coming to terms with gayness all sorts. Based on the clip, I think VG has pegged the show perfectly as "Desperate Housewives meets Steel Magnolias meets a John Waters movie." In other words, pure perfection. Unlike the VG folk though, I am utterly confident that this show will completely and totally rule, despite the presence of Carson Kressly. Sordid Lives airs July 23rd on your Homo-Dial.

Hey comedy nerds, guest what! Jeffrey Tambor and Gary Cole have joined ABC's crime family-gone-straight pilot, Good Behavior. Veronica Mars and 90210 creator Rob Thomas will executive produce, while Christopher Guest regular and (woman I most wish would adopt me) Catherine O'Hara will play the family's matriarch. Rounding out the rest of the cast is DJ Qualls, Eddie Kaye Thomas and a slew of newbies.

Some exciting casting news for Fox's Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles -- Garbage lead singer and all-around fabulous Scotswoman Shirley Manson will be a regular next season. According to The Hollywood Reporter, she'll play "Catherine Weaver, the CEO of a cutting-edge high-tech company." Ooh la la! Call me presumptuous, but methinks "cutting-edge high-tech company" probably translates to "evil cyborg factory" in the Sarah Connor universe, which is an exciting prospect. If that is the case, then might Manson be playing a sort of female Miles Dyson character? Miles Dyson with bright red hair, a Scottish accent and a Greatest Hits album? That's the sexiest thing I've heard all day.

Finally, the Boy Scouts can reconcile their dedication to exploration and community service with their burning desire to be on reality television. In a new series slated for the Outdoor Channel, most of whose shows involve shooting at things, the Boy Scouts of America and and Boys' Life magazine will team up to produce the show Scouting for Adventure, Presented by Boys' Life. The six-episode series will follow Scouts as they explore the wilderness and learn outdoor skills and teamwork at Scout camps across the country.