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A Day Without a D'Onofrio: We Re-Cast Law & Order: Criminal Intent

The unthinkable has happened. After eight seasons, Law & Order: Criminal Intent will be without lead detective Robert Goren for the first time, as Vincent D'Onofrio will be leaving the show to do more film work. And he's not alone, either -- Kathryn Erbe (Det. Eames), Julianne Nicholson (Det. Wheeler) and Eric Bogosian (Capt. Ross) are all leaving the show, as well. Who does that leave? Pretty much just new hire Jeff Goldblum, who just finished his first season as Det. Nichols. While it can't feel good to have all of your fellow cast members quit on you, we're glad Goldblum is sticking around, because now he can be the lead detective in a show cast entirely by us! Well, almost -- they've already replaced Nicholson with Saffron Burrows, formerly of My Own Worst Enemy. But here's who we think should fill the rest of the vacant spots.

John Barrowman: What He Should Do Instead of Desperate Housewives

So there's a story swirling around that John Barrowman (of Doctor Who and Torchwood fame) is auditioning for a part on Desperate Housewives next season. No word on what the role is, but this news troubles me. I adore his Captain Jack, love watching him on How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? and even have some of his CDs (too much info? Probably). Anyway, I really can't get enough of the guy, and while there is a part of me that enjoys the idea that this could skyrocket him into a much bigger star and people might actually know what I'm talking about when I go on and on about how much I love him, or they come into my house and see his action figures and wonder who he is, but the other part of me wishes that it were any show other than Desperate Housewives. If this does come to fruition, of course I'll watch it, but really, I'd hope that maybe he'd consider parts on some of these other shows instead.

Deadliest Warrior: Battles We Need to See Next Season My favorite reality show on television (totally serious), Deadliest Warrior, has been picked up for a second season by the good people at Spike, because it is awesome. It is! The way they pick the winner of each battle is dubious and everything and that's a valid complaint, but people who don't like the show because of that are missing the point entirely. The show is great because of the weapons experts who guest in every episode. They're amazing. Remember that terrifying Spetsnaz guy? That guy needs a spinoff he's so entertaining. But gushing aside, last season had some awesome fights ("Mafia vs. Yakuza" was particularly fun, and "IRA vs. Taliban" had a flame thrower!) and some WTF fights (Maori vs. Shaolin Monks? On the real?!), so I think we should just put the fights we'd like to see out there now, before some ridiculous "Angelina vs. Aniston" episodes go into production.

Five Shows That Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi Could Star In

Now, we know she's a great TV host -- an Emmy-nominated one, in fact -- but is Padma Lakshmi funny or interesting enough to be a sitcom star? Apparently, somebody at NBC thinks she is, since they're developing a half-hour comedy with her. Myself, I didn't even believe her when she sat on a stoop and enjoyed Hardee's Western Bacon Thickburger, but hey, kudos to Padma for succeeding in an industry so notoriously difficult for drop-dead gorgeous women to break into. Our only problem -- their concept, which seems to be about a single woman working in the culinary world, seems pretty formulaic, as does their proposed title, Single Serving. Don't they know that cooking comedies (Kitchen Confidential, Emeril) are doomed to fail? Taking for granted that she can act, which we're still not too sure about, we've got some other ideas for series starring Padma that may fare better.

Let's Just Randomly Cast Jennifer Garner on ABC Shows! When news broke yesterday that Jennifer Garner had inked a development deal with ABC -- to create shows, not star in them -- a lot of people started speculating that she may get excited about a project and decide to act in it anyway. And while that is a fun idea, I think we all know that Jennifer Garner's not going to go on television (that Rachel Zoe cameo doesn't count) at this point in her career. She's just not! And though it makes me sad, too, who would really want an Alias movie, even on ABC? Jack and Irina are dead. I don't want a two-hour Alias episode with no Jack or Irina in it. But that's not the point. The point is that ABC has gone on record saying that if Jennifer Garner loses her mind and decides to do a guest-stint on an ABC show instead of making successful movies in the near future, they would not stop her. Which means it's time for us to tell her where to go.

Today's TWoP News: July 7, 2009

Today's news left me in an imaginative frenzy -- so many opportunities for fantasy casting, and I even considered changing my voter registration! Read on to see if you're equally as inspired.

Brian Austin Green, There Are Other Shows in This World for You Than One Tree Hill and Smallville When Brian Austin Green wisely backed out of a lucrative One Tree Hill guest stint because the internet made fun of it, I was so relieved. I know One Tree Hill has a devoted fanbase, but my god, that show is hilariously horrible, and BAG just proved himself as a very capable actor on Terminator (no really! He did!). He deserves better material than that. Which is why it struck me as odd that he just turned around and accepted a job on Smallville, a show that is not as bad as One Tree Hill, but still a show he shouldn't be doing. He's only signed up for two episodes so far, so it's not like he's on board for life, but I worry that he'll get suckered into more for the easy money, when he could be making just as easy money on a better show that won't be as damaging to his career. So, BAG, if you're reading this, here are some other shows you should send your resume to the minute you're done with those two Smallville eps.

Top Chef Masters: Fictional Contestants We'd Like to See

After five seasons of pitting unknown chefs against each other to see who can make the fewest stupid cooking mistakes, Top Chef is mixing things up and pitting world renowned chefs against each other! Hopefully, there will be a lot fewer stupid mistakes, since by now these people have probably made them all, and we can get down to seeing who is actually a better chef. But we have one problem. Are any of these chefs better than Lafayette from True Blood? Or Ned from Pushing Daisies? We compiled a list of our favorite fictional chefs to see how each would do under the pressures of the Top Chef competition.

Reality TV's Got a Fever, and the Only Prescription is More Cow-ell

Simon, Simon, Simon...we understand that after eight years, he's justifiably tired of judging American Idol. It's gotta be tough when America ignores your sage advice and crowns Taylor Hicks Idol number five, or votes week after week for Sanjaya's hair. But if he's serious about leaving the top-rated show on American television, we think the sneering one could do better than a stateside version of The X-Factor. There are plenty of reality shows on TV right now that could benefit from Simon's acerbic criticism and penchant for tight white t-shirts...read on to see why.

TV Pilot Season, Big Willie Style

Sci-Fi Channel recently announced that they were developing a TV movie with Will Smith's production company called Unfinished Business, in which a cop with a brain injury starts hearing the voices of the recently deceased, who ask him to finish their, uh, "business." The movie will be a back-door pilot, meaning that Sci-Fi has the option to turn it into a regular television series, but we can't think of a more boring, oft-used plot device. Haven't these people watched Ghost Whisperer? Medium? Raines? (Okay, that last one is unfair -- nobody watched it.) Anyway, we'd much rather see a series based on one of Will Smith's numerous movies, most of which were blockbusters at the box office, and would likely deliver smash ratings on TV. Here's a few that we think would make for interesting television.

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