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Scout for Justice

by Zach Oat May 23, 2008 2:24 pm
Scout for Justice

Finally, the Boy Scouts can reconcile their dedication to exploration and community service with their burning desire to be on reality television. In a new series slated for the Outdoor Channel, most of whose shows involve shooting at things, the Boy Scouts of America and and Boys' Life magazine will team up to produce the show Scouting for Adventure, Presented by Boys' Life. The six-episode series will follow Scouts as they explore the wilderness and learn outdoor skills and teamwork at Scout camps across the country.

Frankly, I'm hoping that the skills and teamwork they learn will be used to defeat opposing Scout Troops in reward-based competition, in a sort of Survivor meets Fear Factor meets American Gladiator mash-up. It would be presided over by "The Scoutmaster," a.k.a. Randy "Macho Man" Savage, and he would pit two teams of Scouts against each other in the middle of the wilderness. Some competitive events I thought up:
- Find one pound of edible items on the forest floor in 60 seconds.
- Outrun this wolf to that tree over there.
- Cross this stream without getting swept downriver.
- Untie the knots holding you to that post before your opponent lights that fire under you using only two sticks.
- Raise this enormous bag of trash off the ground before the bear gets it.
- See who can hold their hand in the warm water without peeing themselves the longest.

I can see there being Kid Nation-type complaints from parents, but it's not like anyone would get hurt -- not with Randy "Macho Man" Savage around! If the Outdoor Network doesn't go for it, with their commitment to non-violence and all, then maybe they'd be interested in my Girl Scout Apprentice idea, where Rachel Ray judges the cookie-selling abilities of aspiring businesswomen.

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