Given that it cast Lindsay Lohan of all people as Elizabeth Taylor, there was no way in hell that the Lifetime-produced biopic Liz & Dick -- which chronicled La Liz's turbulent romance with Richard Burton (played by Grant Bowler) -- was going to be any good. Still, even we were impressed by how terrible the finished product turned out to be -- a telefilm lacking the subtlety, grace and nuance of your average Ed Wood production... or even your typical Lifetime movie-of-the-week. (Let's just say that we expect more from the network that gave us My Stepson, My Lover among other classics.) Here are the ten most ridiculous things about this utterly ridiculous waste of two hours:

Last night saw the debut of the all-new, all-different Law & Order Los Angeles, and things have been shaken up a bit. If you haven't seen the double episode yet, or kept up with the show's major cast shake-ups, then you probably don't want to read this, although it's also a fair bet you don't spend a lot of time on the Internet. Here are the changes, and my opinion of whether each is a good thing or a bad thing.

Law & Order: Los Angeles returns next week, with two very familiar faces in new roles. Alfred Molina's D.D.A. Ricardo Morales will be taking a demotion to rejoin the police force, and New York A.D.A. Connie Rubirosa (Alana De La Garza) will be moving to L.A. On the eve of this rejiggered procedural's second go-round, we talked to the two of them about their new jobs, and what's in store for the new season.

It's a good week to be Sir Elton John. The contestants on American Idol will be singing his songs this week and the man himself will be hosting (not just performing on, hosting) Saturday Night Live this weekend. I'd say that's great corporate synergy, but the shows are on two different networks, so I'll just assume that Elton John is launching some sort of all-out assault on network television. After upping his fame among the youngfolk on Idol, then demonstrating his acting chops on SNL, what else could be next besides making a play for his own primetime TV series? We scanned his back catalog to find song titles that might come in handy when it comes time to name his sitcom, or even his crime drama.

Does this season of Survivor feel familiar? Well, it may be because cast member Russell Hantz has already appeared in two of the last three seasons of the show, and "Boston Rob" Mariano is currently enjoying a record fourth season, having first appeared back in Season 4. And while we understand the show's desire to capitalize on their popularity (as well have some sort of continuity on a show that changes its cast every season), we're actually getting a little tired of their antics -- in this context, at least. Why not put these two on other reality shows, where they can put their skills and abilities to use achieving goals other than social gameplaying? We've got some suggestions for "R&R."

Now that 24 is over, and the proposed movie adaptation of it looks about as likely to happen as the Heroes movie does at this point, our favorite madman (though sadly not that kind of madman -- yet) Kiefer Sutherland will be taking Broadway by storm next February in a big, snooty Pulitzer Prize-winning play, complete with a star-studded(ish, but come on) cast featuring Jason Patric (Lost Boys reunion!) and Chris Noth. You know, a lot of people complain about celebrities taking Broadway roles away from the "real" actors these days, but not us, and especially not when that celebrity is Jack fricking Bauer. Here are the soon-to-be-legendary antics we are waiting to see from Kiefer: The Broadway Star.

Next Monday night, after what is going to be a truly amazing Bachelor Pad episode ("Who has the worst boob job?" That show is so good I can't stand it) concludes, ABC will reveal the new cast of Dancing With the Stars. So naturally, rumors are already abounding as to who will be dancing for relevancy this fall, and most of them are pretty much the usual suspects. Let's go over their Dancing potential.

Law & Order: SVU has tapped Henry Ian Cusick to play a love interest for Mariska Hargitay's Benson. Cusick, who played Lost's dreamy Desmond, will appear on two or more episodes as a graphic designer named Eric Weber. It might be enough to get me to tune into this cop show. What would really get me interested in it, though, is if they not only took Cusick, but also borrowed some plots from Lost and changed things up so it wouldn't be an ordinary procedural. Below are our ideas for how these plots could be implemented.

I was very excited when it was announced that Heather Locklear was returning to her Melrose Place roots as the bitch-in-heels Amanda Woodward. This new series, while oddly watchable, needed a jolt of something to really get it going. Since she'd saved the previous incarnation from dullness/cancellation, it seemed fitting that she'd boost this version as well. But now that we've actually seen her first episode, I'm not sure her appearance is helping matters much.

Stars on TV is the name of the game, as one movie star is going to Fox, two are going to ABC, and one (along with two infamous housewives) is coming to NBC. Michelle Obama, meanwhile, is going on Iron Chef. Keep her safe, Mark Dacascos. Keep her safe.