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The Telefile
Predictions for Jack Bauer, Huge Broadway Star

Now that 24 is over, and the proposed movie adaptation of it looks about as likely to happen as the Heroes movie does at this point, our favorite madman (though sadly not that kind of madman -- yet) Kiefer Sutherland will be taking Broadway by storm next February in a big, snooty Pulitzer Prize-winning play, complete with a star-studded(ish, but come on) cast featuring Jason Patric (Lost Boys reunion!) and Chris Noth. You know, a lot of people complain about celebrities taking Broadway roles away from the "real" actors these days, but not us, and especially not when that celebrity is Jack fricking Bauer. Here are the soon-to-be-legendary antics we are waiting to see from Kiefer: The Broadway Star.

--All audience members caught texting during the performance will be tortured for information regarding whether or not they were born in a barn. And maybe on off nights, for information about who killed President Palmer. (You can get post-traumatic stress flashbacks from being on a television show, right? Right.)

--Mr. Big flubs his lines, Mr. Big gets a Code Red.

--During intermission, Kiefer will randomly select one lucky audience member and invite him or her to go down to the train tracks after the show and collect a dead body with him.

--Several performances will feature Kiefer's understudy, as the build-up of old Christmas trees on the sidewalks of New York in February will prove too tempting for Kiefer, resulting in more than a few unexpected visits to the emergency room.

--Random outbursts during previews of "Line?! Dammit, Chloe! LINE???"

--A special benefit performance to aid reformed Twihards, in which Kiefer and Jason Patric reenact their infamous deer antler duel of 1987.

And other dumb stuff like that! Your ideas? Something about The Cowboy Way, maybe? Leave them in the comments!

If you're missing Jack Bauer, relive the golden era of 24's most shocking deaths and most ludicrous plot twists.

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