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TWoP 10 Reasons the Emmys Should Be Cancelled Forever

by Angel Cohn September 26, 2008 7:00 am
TWoP 10 Reasons the Emmys Should Be Cancelled Forever

After suffering through the tedium of three hours of badly scripted banter and ridiculous reality hosts trying to cobble together a show, we've had enough. Hollywood has enough ceremonies on TV where they sit and pat each other on the backs, and we're tired of sitting through them all. At least the Creative Arts Emmys have the good decency to do it on the DL and air them when people can ignore them -- unlike the Emmys, which are a big fancy event with hours of red carpet footage and a ceremony to boot. And if they're going to continue to air them, couldn't people at least go back to wearing wild outfits?

1. Nobody Watches Them
The ratings for the telecast keep slipping. While we here in TV Criticland appreciate the beauty of the Mad Mens of the world, the average person is tuning in to see Charlie Sheen or the cast of CSI mugging for the cameras. They don't care that shows that have small viewerships win the big awards. Otherwise they'd be watching the actual shows.

2. They Are Boring!
Having two people come out and make lame and punny jokes before they present an award that relates in no way, shape or form to them, isn't funny. At least MTV spices things up with some musical performances. And if the Emmys are going to go through all the trouble of getting the old casts, or recreating sets, they should at least have the smarts to do something exciting with them. Like skits. I'm sure there's a comedy writer out there who would love to have the cast of Grey's Anatomy stuck in the M*A*S*H tent.

3. Bad Hosting Ideas
Last year Ryan Seacrest hosted. That was bad enough. The man has too many jobs to be really good at any of them. Then, this year, they got the bright idea to spread the wealth among the five hosts nominated for their reality talking head gigs. Massive error in judgment. Putting a bunch of big personalities together and then giving them free reign leads to a whole lot of nothing.

4. Jeremy Piven Doesn't Need Any More Trophies
We're glad that Emmy stopped giving out their awards to Kelsey Grammer and Doris Roberts (mostly because their shows got cancelled, finally) but now it's time to stop giving them to Jeremy Piven. He's got enough. Let's try and inject some new blood into these things. And someone from a show that's still good, like The Office or How I Met Your Mother... just for example.

5. No One Cares About Made-for-TV Movies
Movie celebs have made the crossover to full-season dramas, so there's no need to keep these made-for-TV awards on the regular broadcast just to get some bigger names in the building. Not enough people watched them or even cared to be excited if the stars for them win a prize. This would be an excellent time for them to put in that musical act. Or cut 30 minutes off of the broadcast.

6. No Drunken Speeches, Like at the Golden Globes
Now there's an awards show that does it right. No hosts. Quick pacing. Movies and TV celebs rubbing elbows. And lots and lots of free booze on the tables. And there is food. Not that these people eat, but there's the option. And after three hours, you might want a little nosh. And a well-fed and liquored-up celeb makes for a wild card who throws caution to the wind and pre-written "I'm so thankful for the girl who walks my dog, and the woman who plucks my eyebrows" speeches out the window and have a little more off-the-cuff fun.

7. They Play Favorites/Are Rigged
Okay, maybe "rigged" is slightly strong, but their process does seems skewed so that Emmy winners have an easier time of getting a repeat award. I mean, the people voting on the prize only have to watch one episode of a given actor's work on a particular show. Some characters are built up slowly over the season, like your Don Drapers and even your Dwights. In small doses, you may not get them, but when you look back at their entire work, it's something special. Unlike your Ari Gold, who you can tune in anytime and see him being the exact same sort of caricature he always is.

8. There's Too Much Else on in September to Watch
There are new premieres, and shows we just started getting hooked on that are way more appealing than the Emmys. Maybe if they aired in July, instead of an episode of Big Brother, we wouldn't mind so much, but with TV on DVD taking over the world, there's too much new stuff, as well as programming from last season, that's much more entertaining than this annual debacle.

9. All the Bloggers in the World are Forced to Think of Interesting Things to Say
Pretty much every entertainment blog/website in the world does a live blog of the awards fest. Meaning that thousands of people are sitting staring at the uneventful event trying desperately to be witty and entertaining when nothing at all is happening. And then the masses of the world read the recaps and highlights the next day, instead of watching the actual airing. Which brings us to our final point...

10. Nobody Watches Them
Yes. We already said this. But the ratings are down, down, down. Take it as a sign. People would rather be watching football.

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