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TWoP 10: Reasons We're Dreading The Oscars

by Angel Cohn February 20, 2009 6:00 am
TWoP 10: Reasons We're Dreading The Oscars

While we were naively optimistic about the Golden Globes, that's not the case with Sunday night's Oscar telecast. We're pretty much dreading it. The fact that the whole thing has been shrouded in secrecy with only drips and drabs trickling out has not done much to up our anticipation. Instead, it's filling us with feelings of horror and panic. Especially since what we have heard is pretty much a nightmare. So without further ado... the reasons we're not looking forward to the 81st Annual Academy Awards.

1. Hugh Jackman awkwardness.
Hugh Jackman was a perfect host for the Tonys, but one of the things that was so great was his sense of humor and his kind of crazy free-for-all ability to interact with the audience. That doesn't always go over so well at the Oscars. Especially since Jackman, while fun, isn't a comedian. Let's hope he's got writers who can come up with better stuff than Uma/Oprah.

2. Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are rumored performers.
Really? Did High School Musical 3 get nominated for something when we weren't paying attention? Because otherwise having this young couple sing in their too cute pop tones is just pandering to get teens to tune in.

3. Robert Pattinson is going to present.
Speaking of pandering... If you don't recognize that name, that's because he was the messily tressed star of Twilight who set teen (and some adult) hearts a-flutter. Though in interviews, he's a man of few words. So watching him read from a teleprompter is going to be freaking riveting.

4. Beyonce is performing (and so may MIA).
This is not the Grammys, people. While it would be awesome if MIA, who just barely gave birth to her son, showed up to perform her nominated track from Slumdog Millionaire, we do not need to see Beyonce, who will likely be belting out a tune from Cadillac Records (which no one saw, and didn't get nominated for any song Oscars). Unless Beyonce busts out a little "Single Ladies" along with Hugh Jackman, this is just annoying.

5. Performances from Mamma Mia!
Not even Meryl Streep (but blessedly not Pierce Brosnan). Instead it is Amanda Seyfried and Dominic Cooper performing some ABBA, presumably. And really, what every Oscars telecast has been calling out for is more ABBA.

6. Jennifer Aniston presenting.
Having people who aren't nominated presenting awards is nothing new, but this one seems to be aimed at just getting the gossip rags a-buzzing about some supposed Angelina/Aniston face off. Sure Marley and Me did gang busters, but this rumor is already fanning the paparazzi flames. Nothing like people pouring their hearts and souls into working on a quality movie to then have their moment of recognition overshadowed by a couple of tabloid queens.

7. Inevitable Kate Winslet acceptance speech.
Her impromptu speech at the Golden Globes was kind of cute, but now that she's been racking up the awards, we're not buying this faux modesty anymore. Should she finally take home an Oscar, we're already expecting something as irksome as Sally Field's "they really like me" acceptance. We're doubtful she'll surprise us by actually having something new to say.

8. Baz Luhrmann directing song-and-dance number for Jackman.
The Moulin Rouge helmer is reportedly in charge of Jackman's performance (and Jackman certainly can sing and dance, as we learned in The Boy from Oz) which could be fabulous. In addition to Rouge, Luhrmann also did Strictly Ballroom, so again, it has potential. However, Luhrmann and Jackman's most recent collaboration led to the big bomb Australia. So it is sort of 50/50 which way this will turn out.

9. Sean Penn could win Best Actor
Not to say that he's not deserving of an award for his turn in Milk, though we're pulling for Mickey Rourke. However, Sean Penn already managed to give one non-political speech at the SAG awards, so the odds are slim that he could do it again. But Rourke on the other hand, could give a rip-roaring speech that would have the censors on their toes. That would be worth watching.

10. They will go on forever!
No matter what they say, this mother of awards shows always goes on way, way too long... especially since we've been inundated with other awards shows with many of these very same stars accepting awards over the last two months. Until they find a way to excise an hour, the Academy Awards will always be the awards show we curse at the most while watching until the wee hours of the morning.

Are you dreading the telecast or looking forward to it?

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