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The Telefile
TWoP 10: Things That Would Make Us Happiest at the Golden Globes

It's the start of movie awards season, and we're already dreading this particular self-congratulation fest since the incessant commercials running for the ceremony make us cringe. They're bringing Ricky Gervais back to say crazy things, but no one liked it the last couple times he did it. We don't get it. So while we have to suffer through the night in real time (because it is our job), there are a few things that could actually make us enjoy it.

10. Evan Rachel Wood Goes Full-On Helena Bonham Carter/Bjork Crazy on the Red Carpet
If anyone could top a swan dress or mismatched shoes, it's Wood.

9. Trent Reznor Wins for Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Reznor's win last year for The Social Network was a treat we want to repeat. And we can't get enough of the Nine Inch Nails frontman all spiffed up and winning real awards.

8. The Cast of Bridesmaids Doing Something Gross
They folks behind the movie (and a few stars) sang "Hold On" at the People's Choice Awards, but we'd like some of the film's more inappropriate behavior to make an appearance at the Globes. Or perhaps a Hangover/Bridesmaids royal rumble.

7. Amy Poehler wins for Parks & Recreation
We vote for Knope.

6. Best TV Drama Actress Immovable Forehead Showdown
Julianna Margulies or Madeline Stowe are the frontrunners for Best Actress in a TV Drama (even though Claire Danes deserves the prize), and win or lose, we're looking forward to both of them struggling to show any expression in their foreheads. Let the Botox battle begin!

5. The Amount of Time Spent on Morgan Freeman's Cecile B. DeMille Award Cut to Zero
These lifetime achievement awards are always too long and far too dull. If they can't cut this one completely, at least just have Freeman narrate a short assemblage of clips from his films and be done with it.

4. Charlize Theron Wins for Young Adult
It's likely that Michelle Williams will get the Globe for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy (even though her film was neither), but we're rooting for Theron all the way. And not just because she convincingly played a Kardashian fan.

3. Stacy Keibler/Angelina Jolie Wrestling Match
The Best Actor in a Drama category is likely down to Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Instead of watching them duke it out, we'd rather see their with tough gal pals compete in a cage fight for the trophy.

2. Homeland Secures a Win
The Showtime series is easily the best of the year. In this one instance, we'd be jumping up and down for joy if the terrorists actually won.

1. Ricky Gervais Is Actually Funny for the Entire Show
Last year's monologue was decent and then it was like he didn't even bother trying for the rest of the night. Some consistently funny humor for a few hours is all we ask. Because we really want to be havin' a laugh.

For our complete Golden Globes coverage, click here.

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