The Teen Choice Awards were on last night, and unless you're a 14-year-old girl, you probably weren't watching. Here are some highlights (and nearly unwatchable moments) from the show that you missed out on:
Best: BFFs(?) Demi Lovato and Kevin McHale
While the pairing of these two may seem random, it turns out they were "childhood friends" back in their pre-fame days in Dallas, Texas, which means that we got to see tons of baby photos of Kevin and Demi ("Now THAT's the X factor!" Demi says of a photo of her at a dance recital -- clearly the girl is paid per promotional phrase by Fox) and even saw a clip of Kevin from his boy band days, which was even more embarrassing than Glee's "Sit Down Your Rocking the Boat." Though McHale may not be the biggest name on TV at the moment, he was able to hold his own with the media's best friend Demi Lovato, and his natural charm made us wish that he would jump off the sinking New Directions ship and hop on to a reality show hosting gig instead. His presence almost made us forget that Demi Lovato looked like an alien who raided Nicki Minaj's closet for the first half of the show.
Worst: The Early 2000s Called, They Want Their Jokes Back
We're not sure who is writing jokes for this show, but we hope to God that it's not the writing staff of any of Fox's new sitcoms, because if so, we're in store for one hellish fall. Using Zooey Deschanel as a vehicle to make fun of various texting-speak ("LMAO! LOL! Wait, they're supposed to stand for something?!") was just all-around awful.
Worst: Scene and Award Stealers
Because today's teens love The Vampire Diaries and have no idea what Supernatural is anymore, the The Vampire Diaries was awarded Choice TV Show in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy category. Ian Somerholder, (Damon, the dark horse in the race for this generation's dreamiest vampire) took home Choice TV Actor, while Michael Trevino (were-pire Tyler) took home Choice TV Male Scene Stealer. That didn't stop Trevino from grabbing the mic away from Somerholder and thanking fans for the award, before telling everyone that they all have to get up super early tomorrow to film Season 4 of the show. Watching the main cast just stand around in the background was awkward, especially since Somerholder was the big winner of the night.
Worst: No One Cares About No Doubt
Oh, how the times have changed. Ten years ago a performance by No Doubt would have been an epic part of the Teen Choice Awards. Unfortunately for Gwen, the world is regressing in the wrong way for her and her bandmates, and were greeted with a lukewarm reception.
Best: Love for 21 Jump Street
While the Teen Choice Awards is the place where Zac Efron films can sweep multiple categories, it was cool to see a genuinely funny, underrated film like 21 Jump Street get a surfboard. Even better was Jonah Hill, reminding everyone that even though he was an Oscar-nominated actor (he lost the Supporting Actor award to Christopher Plumber, who shockingly wasn't nominated for anything at the Teen Choice Awards) this would probably still be the biggest award that he would take home.
Worst: Love for Twilight
Are we not done with this whole Twilight thing, yet? Watching Chuck's Zachary Levi explain the "cultural phenomenon" (and the entire plot) of the series before having to watch a montage of the best (?) moments from the franchise was almost as terrible as having to sit through the films all over again. Thankfully, since this November will bring the last Twilight film, we'll only have one more Teen Choice Awards where an un-showered Robert Pattinson wins half of the male movie categories. On the plus side, Kristen Stewart finally learned how to speak in public.
Best: A Monkey
The new monkey from the fairly atrocious-looking Animal Practice was brought up on stage with Justin Kirk and... Gordon Ramsay. According to Kirk, the monkey is the monkey from basically every film featuring a monkey -- think The Hangover II, We Bought a Zoo, Night at the Museum. This monkey has way more range than the whole Twilight cast. Just saying.
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