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The Telefile
Every Rose Has Its Thorn… Which Means Bret's Back, Baby

Finding love in the wild world of reality TV, it is just hard to know if a girl is a skank or a ho. If she's just a famewhore who wants some media attention, or if she really truly loves you with your venereal diseases and all. That's why Bret Michaels, who thought he found love twice before, is on the hunt again with Rock of Love 3. This is the most disgustingly awesome news we've heard all day.

When he "claimed" he love Ambre and when she protested too much recently about how they were in love and he wasn't sleeping with Daisy, we knew it was only a matter of time before the old chick was out the door. Slam! Truly Bret should just wise up and realize that the ballsy Heather is his true soulmate, but since that's clearly not going to happen (because Bret is a wig-wearing idiot who delusionally thinks he's still really famous and that younger hotter chicks will want to suck on various parts of his body) he's bringing a bunch of gals out on tour with him.

Apparently living on a tour bus instead of a mansion will test these trashy ladies' mettle, and see if they can really handle life on the road with a superstar. Maybe if this was the late '80s and he had C.C. DeVille hanging out with him. The new diseases with breasts will join him for a month and take on such tasks a "dodging the advances of the warm-up band" (wait, Bret is the headliner in this scenario? Confusing) or "greeting aggressive groupies." I'm excited to see what horrible bleached creatures will be unleashed from the depths of god knows where this season, even if it means my water bill will go up significantly in early 2009 because I have to take really, really long showers afterwards to disinfect myself from the grossness. Potes, I feel for you. On the plus side, I Love Money just got itself a whole new batch of players for the inevitable I Love Money 2.

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