The Telefile
So Much Better Than Before

Last night was the finale of Legally Blonde: The Musical: The Search for the Next Elle Woods: In Which We Find Some Girl Who Can Sort of Sing and Sort of Dance But is Definitely Blonde (or at Least She Can Be With Dye and A Wig) and the second half of the debut of High School Musical: Get in the Picture: At Least As An Extra In the Background Somewhere, But Nowhere Near Our Actual Precious Stars and while I realize that I kind of bashed Legally Blonde, it was infinitely better than High School Musical. This is surprising to me because I sort of love High School Musical (the movies) in that I'm still obsessed with teen programming even though I'm in my mid-30's [Ed's note: Early thirties! -- LG], but really didn't care much when I saw Legally Blonde on Broadway.

For the last month and a half I've been reluctantly tuning in for weekly installments of Blonde (I had to see if it got worse... and I ended up getting hooked. I am not proud.) and torturing Mindy with my own little recaps and singing the songs around the house (some of them are catchy. Sue me.) and watching Seth Rudetsky's vlog (Oh. My. God, you guys, it is so funny!) and so I was really happy to see Bailey win. Not happy enough to pay to go see her on Broadway, which is like the whole point of this reality show, but like if free tickets landed in my lap I would go again.

I expected more goofy fun from High School Musical, given that I actually like the cheese-tastic songs, and I was once a wannabe singer stuck in my high school drama club getting cast as the sidekicks for musicals instead of in the lead roles. But this show. I mean. There are not words to describe how tediously boring it is. I thought it would be cute, but instead apparently it is just a blatant way to squeeze more money out of the cash cow that is High School Musical without actually making anything good. I nodded off at one point. I woke up and there were two different kids singing and Nick Lachey doing a voice over in a soothing tone that didn't really convey any excitement. What happened to they guy who made me enjoy Clash of the Choirs against my better judgment? I mean, the 16-year-old girls nearly pee their pants and faint when they see the former 98 Degrees/Newlyweds star up close and in person. He's kind of sweet and charming, but he'd be way better if he stuck to mentoring and they got someone else to do the narration.

That alone, though, wouldn't help the problems that this show has. First off, two nights a week is too much. Way too much. Secondly, the way they are splitting it up with east coast auditions and then eliminations, then dancing, then partnering, then bringing them on to the finals is exhausting and unnecessary. Blonde had one big group and narrowed it down to the top 10 in one simple episode. Thirdly, there are too many teenagers who just can't sing that well, but have personality. I don't really know that I care about eager and peppy teens who just want to meet Zac Efron or think that they are Sharpay. They won't and they aren't. Sorry.

It is hard to pick on some of these poor misguided high school students, because god only knows that if this show was around when I was in high school, I would have lamely auditioned for it too. But at the end of the day, this show is just too sweet and nice and pretty and kind for me. I like my reality a smidge bit trashier, or at least with some catfights. Oh, and if I have to hear one more out-of-tune kid butcher "What I've Been Looking For" my head might explode. I can only imagine how the judges felt. And they are trying to say positive things about everyone. Where's the Simon? Where's the Nina Garcia? Where's the Nigel Lythgoe? We can't all be Paula or Mary Murphy and think about bunnies and scream happily all the time. Sometimes people suck. Even if they are 15 and have been told by their parents that they are the second coming of Ashley Tisdale. If this show isn't going to call them on it... I can't handle watching it. Seriously, even the rejects got a little "you are all talented, you just aren't right for this particular (as yet to be named role/part/prize)..." speech. For real. It was at that point I went from dozing off to changing the channel. I mean, I had to see who won Legally Blonde.




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