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The Telefile
Here's what I know about Brad Garrett: He starred on the ubiquitous Everybody [Except For Me] Loves Raymond. He is very tall. He is hairy. He has an annoying adenoidal register that makes him sound like a cartoon elephant with a sinus infection. He hates the paparazzi. Up until now I figured I could skate through life on this bare-bones knowledge. But the universe had other plans! Thanks to the fine folks at Videogum [via Variety], I now know that he's on the hunt for a wifey, he's suffering a mid-life crisis, and he is close friends with his urologist.

According to Variety, the actor has signed on to star in an online dating show , the brilliantly named Date Brad Garrett, to be web-cast on the Sony-owned Crackle.com. Hopefuls, of which there are probably at least a dozen, are being asked to submit audition tapes to the site, and ten finalists will be selected by a panel of Garrett's closest pals, who include his ex-wife (??!) and the aforementioned peen doctor. Each contestant will go on a blind date with Garrett and hilarity will presumably ensue. He minced no words in an interview: "An online dating show seemed like a logical choice given that I'm in the midst of a mid-life crisis, and adverse (sic) to pain. [Ed's note: Clearly he's not so good with the grammar either.] And since I'm not picky about my choices, I hope women of all sizes, shapes and colors will be compelled to submit their videos." So apparently he's also a man-whore and a Democrat. And now that I've added to my shamefully abridged list of Brad Garrett trivia to account for these illuminating facts, I guess can die happy a woman. Seriously, please kill me.

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