The Telefile
Gossip Girl: We Predict Each Character's Post-Series Future

Oh, Gossip Girl -- how we will miss all of your drama, fabulous clothing (especially those completely decorative velvet headbands that every fangirl just had to purchase), and ridiculous portrayals of human beings. Before the final season kicks off October 8, here's what where we'd like to think each character will be years down the road:

Dan Humphrey
After Humphrey publishes his non-fiction book about his life teetering on the edges of the in crowd (as opposed to his other fictionalized book about the exact same thing), he is offered a television writing gig for a new show that parallels his own high school years set on the West Coast. Dan ends up as the It Boy in Los Angeles, and in between his palling around with Bret Easton Ellis and developing a prescription drug problem, he has just enough time to ignore Vanessa's daily Facebook friend requests.

Serena van der Woodsen
After realizing that all of her friends were going to go out and get jobs and have actual, grown-up-people lives, Serena van der Woodsen decided to put her only skills to good use and called up a soon-to-be-retired Diana Payne for a job in her "escort" service. After Serena blackmailed her with photos of Diana's dozens of trysts with much younger men, Diana was forced to hand her title of Head Madam to Serena. Now, Serena spends her time blackmailing wealthy businessmen and politicians for their use of her services. She is having so much fun that she forgets why she ever made an attempt at being a good person all those years ago.

Blair Waldorf
Blair Waldorf became head of her mother's fashion empire and won back Chuck only to realize that her grand fantasies about their romance were definitely better in her head -- really, how good can piano sex be after the fiftieth time? Realizing that Chuck's daddy issues were holding her back, she decided to rekindle with her first love, the emotionally stable Nate. They married out of convenience -- mostly because Nate could give her tons of free advertising in his magazine empire, not to mention a connection by marriage to the Kennedys -- but ended up falling in love for real. They have two darling children (who Dorota exclusively cares for) named after Audrey Hepburn characters.

Chuck Bass
Chuck Bass finally won back his hotel, but seriously regressed in the process as he had to backstab literally everyone he ever knew in order to do so. When he realized that Blair wasn't just taking "a weekend trip" to Paris -- and that she really left him for his best friend -- he went a tad bit Howard Hughes and locked himself in the Empire for years, living off of hotel mints and the occasional bagel from room service. He is presumed dead, but sometimes, in the middle of night in the city, people claim to hear a man scream "I am CHUCK BASS!"

Nate Archibald
After watching his friends fall apart over their terrible life choices, Nate decided that he was going to dump all his girlfriends and focus on taking his magazine career seriously. He was able to inexplicably sell his tabloid to Condé Nast for an exorbitant sum and then bought out several magazines over at Hearst. After some convincing, he finally agreed to marry Blair and as much as he has grown to re-love her, he secretly holds a torch for his blond, dippy assistant who may or may not be a relative of the van der Woodsens. Some things just never change.

Lily Rhodes-van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey and Rufus Humphrey
Lily and Rufus divorced and decided to stay out of one another's lives for good, which lasted about 15 seconds. After staying bored, single and drunk for a couple of years, Lily decided to crash Rufus's wedding to a stable, kind-hearted accountant that Rufus had met on, which reminded him of how much he really loved Lily. Rufus told Lily he'd only take her back after a long stint in emotional rehab, and it actually worked. The two of them now live in a hippie commune in upstate New York and are strangely happy with the simple life. The community worships Rufus's music -- finally! -- and believes that Lily's inability to age was a gift bestowed onto her from the spirits of the earth and not her very skilled plastic surgeon.

Georgina Sparks
Georgina Sparks left New York City for good when her husband took a job working across the country. Her manipulative personality and lack of attention paid to her kid Milo quickly scored her a reality TV gig on The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills, and she worked her way up to series regular by her second season. Milo runs away from home a lot and has daddy issues that rival that of Chuck Bass, but Georgina barely notices in between her many medical procedures and reunion shows.

Eric van der Woodsen
After spending one final, very awkward holiday in the city, Eric decided that he's officially done with his family and moved to Europe with the inheritance money he got from CeCe. He dropped the "Woodsen" part of his name and bounced around for a while selling his designer sweater collection for extra cash until he met an adorable English singer-songwriter. The two moved into a flat in London and even let Jenny stay with them from time to time, even though he's fully aware that she's stealing from them.

Vanessa Abrams
After spending years living with her very anti-New York parents in Vermont, Vanessa suddenly realized why everyone hated her granola-hipster shtick. Hoping to reinvent herself, she moved into Rufus's empty loft in Brooklyn and took a job as an art teacher at Constance Billard. She hoped that her art would inspire the spoiled UES girls, but her only real interaction with her students comes from them dumping yogurt onto her head. In true Vanessa form, she's completely oblivious to the fact that the kids hate her, and as a special Friday treat, she allows them to watch her NYU documentaries while their pottery dries.

Jenny Humphrey
After flunking out of fashion school, Jenny decided to "find herself" and backpack through Europe for a couple of years. She was eventually signed by a London modeling agency, only to be fired shortly afterwards for refusing to take off her raccoon makeup. Broke and jobless, Jenny has become a permanent couch cruiser. She had dreams of starting a goth punk band, but soon realized that no one wants to hear her sing, ever. She is currently dating one of The Black Keys, but she constantly forgets which one it is.

Gossip Girl
The mysterious blogger tired of her Upper East Side beat after the old gang scattered and realized she needed to find a new location in order to freshen up her site. Gossip Girl moved to a small town outside of Philadelphia and quickly found the perfect new group of girls to harass -- only to discover that they might not be the easily manipulated pushovers she was used to.

Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show airs.

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