I've been pretty harsh on Starz's TV adaptation of Crash in the past, and now, after having seen the trailer for it, I think it may actually be worse than I thought. Even with the casting coup of Dennis Hopper (who seems to have been cast based on his unrivaled ability to portray Dennis Hopper), this show looks even crappier than the movie it's based on. Watch the trailer after the jump, if only to revel in truly terrible -- not to mention completely unnecessary -- television.

Joss Stone is joining the cast of The Tudors. And no, this is not some different show called The Tudors, it's the Showtime period drama. And no, she won't be playing some court jester-y Aretha Franklin impersonator (they had those), she'll be playing Anne of Cleves, the fourth wife of Henry VIII. I'm going to come clean here and admit that I don't know anything about Henry VIII or his wives except that he had mental problems and killed them all, so maybe Anne of Cleves was the one who didn't say much and just kind of belted out blue-eyed soul while barefoot, because that's the only way this stuntcasting makes any sense.

After the latest season of The Bachelorette ended with finalist Jason Mesnick getting majorly snubbed by the titular DeAnna Pappas, there was such an outpouring of sentiment from desperate sympathetic single gals that the producers at ABC saw fit to create a special site to handle the overflow. Now, in a move modeled after the cinematic masterpiece that is Sleepless In Seattle, romantic hopefuls and well-wishers can get in touch with the scorned bachelor directly via fanofjason.com

Because today is officially the slowest entertainment news day in the history of entertainment (I'm including original productions of Medea here), I've decided to report some Jimmy Fallon news. I'd really appreciate it if you could pretend to care. As we all know, the SNL alum is poised to take Conan's Late Night job when he leaves to take over The Tonight Show next year. What you don't know is that, at the urging of executive producer Lorne Michaels, Jimmy will be testing out his shtick online first, with five to ten minute online minisodes that will start rolling out six months before he officially takes over the job. I know, please take breaks in between forwarding this riveting information to everyone on the planet. You could injure yourself.

Miley Cyrus recently told the world that she would like to make a younger, cleaner Sex and the City, you know, for kids! This makes no sense to me. A younger, cleaner Sex and the City? I don't understand. First of all, are the characters in high school, like Miley? And are they country like Miley? So instead of being glamorous publicists, art gallery fancypants, high-powered lawyers and sex columnists, they'll be, like, part-time at Hot Dog on a Stick?

I am So. Effing. Excited. For this new show called Queen Bees premiering tonight on The N. It's a reality show that Videogum describes perfectly as a hybrid of Mean Girls and Intervention: seven self-described Queen Bees (or Queen B's for betch, more like) are thrown into a house together and all manner of experts attempt to rehab them and rid them of their diva ways. The B who comes out most changed by the experience gets your standard prize money, which I'm sure she will totally donate to like AmFar or something and not spend on sparkly eyeliner and t-shirts declaring that they are princesses who are going to steal your boyfriend. There is a ten-minute clip up on The N's website and it is ah-may-zing. After I watched it, I simply could not contain my joy. Can I share some thoughts with you, fair readers? Good! I was hoping you'd say that!

Underwhelmed by the so-not-surprising- I-can't-even-believe-people-are-reporting-it news that Miley Cyrus will be hosting Fox's "Teen Choice 2008" this August, I've compiled a concise list of more compelling things I could do instead. Drumroll!

Because David Cassidy is on Oprah at 4 PM ET today, promoting his new album: "David Cassidy Dance Party Remix." 

Obviously.

Let's have a look at the record company's promo materials, shall we?

Timeless idol David Cassidy and producer-mixer Craig J (Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani, Madonna, Kelly Clarkson) present club-rocking remixes of Partridge Family classics! These cutting-edge versions of "Come On Get Happy," "I Think I Love You" and "I Can Feel Your Heartbeat," among other gems, are a unique gift from the singer to his fans. "To do brand new dance versions of these iconic tunes was an amazing experience," says Cassidy. "It's so cool!"

Um.  First of all, I'll give them "idol," but Cassidy hasn't aged gracefully -- think hairplugs and an aggressive facelift that's placed him squarely in Christian Slater territory.  Second of all, this is at least the third repurposing of "I Think I Love You" (remember that pappy adult-contempo version he was croaking during his Behind The Music episode?), and it's not that I don't like the P. Fam (I have a ton of their songs on my iPod, and I watch Breaking Bonaduce, for God's sake), or that the concept of remixing those songs isn't a good one, in theory.  I have to admit, I'd like to hear the songs.  But it's kind of unseemly the way he's still dragging buckets out of that well almost 40 years later -- if I'm not mistaken, he's written two memoirs of his days as a teen heartthrob (neither one of which provides a credible defense for those moose-knuckle overalls he wore onstage), and he just keeps remixing and rerecording the big PF hits, like, dude: find something else to do.  Find something else to work on; find something else you're good at.  Learn to type.  Law school.  Fund-raising.  Something