UGH! I could just about kill the judges on American Idol sometimes. Last night was almost unbearable in its utter stinkdom and proved to me beyond the shadow of a doubt that these people are effing hacks who know nothing about music. I might be the last person on Earth to discover this, and if you were planning to point that out to me, just shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. In an effort to apply the valuable lessons I've been learning in reading my bedside tome, Anger Management for Dummies, I'm going to attempt to put forth some clear, concise and well-reasoned issues I had with the things uttered by these fools last night so as to avoid blowing a damned gasket and having a spontaneous brain aneurysm from sheer rage. Bear with me.

I realize that regularly I watch (and love) some of the most deplorable reality programming in existence (Big Brother, Rock of Love Bus, Double Shot of Love, Bad Girls Club). However, there comes a point where even I can't handle all the new crap that is coming out. Plus, it seems like so many people have just given up on creating clever new ideas for shows, and instead are playing Frankenstein, with some varied results. Here's some of the latest announcements that make me feel like reality-show producers desperately need to find a new well to pull from.

Much has been made of the Sexy Dork phenomenon. Last year really drove home the point, with superlative nerds like Neil Patrick Harris, Michael Cera and a certain big-eared, comic book-collecting president-elect getting lauded left and right and achieving sex symbol status. But no single show on TV has single-handedly championed the dweeb contingent with quite the single-minded and (unintentionally) avant-garde dedication that American Idol has.

OK, not really, but an actual musical version of The Wire would... OK, it would be terrible, nevermind. The good news is that's not happening, but after the jump you can watch a mesmerizing recap of the entire series in rap form, by rapper Mad Skillz -- complete with a Youtube clip montage! You know, in case you're a Wire super fan in withdrawal or maybe just someone who wants to know what happened on the beloved series but are short on time, or just too afraid of that totally germed out outdoor couch they all hung out on in Season 1 to actually sit down with the DVDs. (You can also read our awesome old recaps of the show to catch up. Just saying.)

I've already watched it twice, and I don't plan on stopping anytime in the near future. Oh, Internet. What did we do before we had you? Just sit around not listening to rap versions of The Wire all day? Clearly, that's a life not worth living. Also, if anyone finds/knows where to find an MP3 version of this, please leave a link below. This is so my new jam.

I'm still upset about David Tennant leaving Doctor Who. I'm not going to lie. It's been about two months since the official announcement and I'm still mostly in denial about it. Especially since I just got cute little Doctor Who toys for the holiday, and him with the Adipose? Adorable. Anyway, making the whole situation slightly less sucky is news that David Tennant and Russell T. Davies want to go out with a bang... and maybe a little song too. Doctor Who... the musical? It's like a dream come true.

I just found out that Neil Patrick Harris, who goes by St. Neil around these parts, will be hosting Saturday Night Live when the show returns on January 10th. This is the best thing I've heard about that show since Jon Hamm started hawking John Hams. Any regular readers will know that I think the erstwhile Doogie Howser and current Barney Stinson can do no wrong. Especially if he's singing!

There's been a bigger than usual hole in my heart since Flight of the Conchords went on hiatus, so it gives me great joy (and a case of the giggles!) to announce that they're back back back and better than ever! Funny or Die is premiering the first ep of the new season, which won't air for reals on HBO 'til January. Since last we saw the delightful Kiwis, Murray has all but abandoned the FoTC in favor of international pop sensations the Crazy Dogs, so they totally fire his ass and are promptly hired to write a jingle for Femadent, a toothpaste made just for women's needs. Dave shows up and teaches them about ladies and bargaining (did you know Dave means "deal" in Latino?), Murray gets majorly sued by some Polish band and must resort to living in his car, Mel sets fire to things, Bret loses a shoe but gains a pair of woven pants and there's a nice little song about angels having sexytimes up in heaven. It's all very high-concept. So much love today! Watch and chuckle after the jumpular.

Neil Patrick Harris singing about anything is pretty much all it takes to make me happy (see my summer ramblings about Dr. Horrible). We don't lovingly refer to NPH as our patron saint around the office for nothing. He does magic, he can sing, he's Barney, he used to play a doctor on TV. Just all around awesome. So of course I was going to love the latest offering from Funny or Die. They had the amazing Marc Shaiman (he wrote all of those infectiously addictive songs for Hairspray) cook up a special musical number about the Prop 8 controversy. It's a joyful and silly star-studded affair and has succeeded in finally getting me out of my funk.

Growing up in the 1980s, I didn't watch a lot of traditional "holiday specials." No special guests coming over, no singing songs by the fire, nothing like that -- just Charlie Brown, the Grinch and little Ralphie for me. So all I know about the golden age of holiday specials is what I've seen parodied on Saturday Night Live ("I'm Gumby, dammit!"). But from what I've seen, Stephen Colbert really nailed it in A Colbert Christmas, his Comedy Central Christmas special, which aired last night, although I can only imagine that his was a million times funnier, and that this time the humor was intentional. I would even go out on a limb and call it a new holiday staple, like A Christmas Story, although I don't know if I'd want it to play 24 hours in a row. Here are the five funniest moments from last night's airing.

Ostensibly Paul Rudd hosted this past week's Saturday Night Live, but the show was stolen right out from under him by one Mr. Justin Timberlake. The former host (whose "D**k in a Box" clip still cracks me up) showed up during Weekend Update to give a quick blow-by-blow of what next weekend's Thanksgiving-themed episode would have looked like if he hadn't had a scheduling conflict. This fast-paced rundown, followed by Timberlake's surprising cameo in heels and a leotard in a fake Beyoncé video shoot, were hands down the two funniest moments of the night. Rudd was forced to merely stand on the side lines and pretend to direct Sasha Fierce in the chaotic "Single Ladies" video while Timberlake shook and grinded (ground?) and got all the laughs.