Cry "Dracarys" and let slip the dragons of war in our highlights reel of Game of Thrones's fourth Season 3 episode, "And Now His Watch Is Ended."
Best "Yup, That Really Just Happened" Reminder: After cutting to black on Jaime's hand-severing last week, "And Now His Watch Is Ended" opens with the Kingslayer's previously attached sword hand now dangling from a rope around his neck. Talk about rubbing your nose in it.
Most Pitiful Sight: Already knocked down a couple hundred pegs by the loss of his hand and being tricked into drinking a flask of equine urine, Jaime compounds his humiliation by trying to fight back against his captors by grabbing a sword with his one remaining hand. After a few wild swings, he's easily disarmed... though not literally this time.
Most Impressive Long Game of Revenge: Amanda Clarke, take note -- you could learn a lot about the whole revenge game from master of whispers Varys. In his younger, penis-having days, the eunuch was part of an acting troupe that journeyed throughout the Free Cities. But then he was purchased by a Myrish sorcerer, who doped the boy with a potion that robbed him of his ability to move or cry out, but not his ability to feel. Then he took a hooked blade and... well, you can probably guess what happened next. Left to die, Varys instead survives and thrives, working his way up into his current position of power -- a position that permits him to order that his old sorcerer pal be express delivered to King's Landing in a box for his own demented amusements. Sometimes the sweetest revenge is the one that takes decades to achieve. Not that we want or expect Revenge to last decades mind you...
Most Psycho Bit of Real Estate Related Braggery: As Joffrey shows his fiancée Margaery around their
soon-to-be shared throne room [Note: Make that the Great Sept of Baelor], he takes particular care to point out the grate leading to the dungeon where Rhaenyra Targaryen was consumed by a dragon on the orders of her brother Aegon II while her son, Aegon III, was forced to look on. Note the gleeful giggle after he mentions the young boy's tragedy. You may want to find a potion that will sterilize either him or you, Marge.
Oleanna's Best Smackdown: "Another golden rose, how original. I eat from plates stamped with roses, I sleep in sheets embodied with roses, I have a golden rose painted on my chamber pot. As if that makes it smell any better." Man, Oleanna's so mean, she'll even put down her own House.
Best Double Cross of a Double Crosser: After earning our derision for freeing Theon from his torture-filled captivity, Theon's nameless (so far) rescuer acquired our respect by leading the (admittedly regretful) backstabber directly back to his prison cell, where more pain awaits. Again, we feel like we should feel just the teensiest bit sorry for the littlest Greyjoy. But we don't.
Most Impassioned Plea for Fatherly Attention: Tired of being treated as a backseat passenger in the Lannister clan's drive towards absolute power, Cersei takes her case for more respect and responsibility directly to Tywin. "Years and years of lectures on family and legacy. The same lecture, really, just with tiny tedious variations. Did it ever occur to you that your daughter might be the only one listening to them, living by them. That she might have the most to contribute to your legacy, which you love so much more than your actual children." The pitch works... for a moment. "I don't distrust you because you're a woman," her dad replies. "I distrust you because you're not as smart as you think you are." Clearly -- because if she was, she'd have a comeback already teed up.
Worst Hospitality: If you want your guests to respect your house, you may want to give them some incentive to do so -- you know, simple incentives like decent food (as opposed to sawdust-laced bread) and a comfortable place to sleep. By treating the mutinous men of Night's Watch like so much chattel, Craster essentially signed his own death warrant. Let his example be a lesson to all future hosts.
Best Multi-Linguist: We've had a feeling all along that Daenerys knew the various slanders that Unsullied salesman Kraznys mo Nakloz has been tossing he way. But she held out for the exact right moment to make this particular piece of info known to him, after he had already handed over control of his 8,000-strong force in exchange for one dragon. The look of shock and terror on his face when he heard Valyrian spilling out of her mouth was worth 50,000 Unsullied.
Most Bad-Ass Battle Cry: With a single word, "Dracarys" (Valyrian for "dragonfire"), Daenerys watches her Apostorian enemies go up in literal smoke in a truly fantastic climactic battle scene. That's gonna replace "Spoon" as the word we utter the next time we have to fight someone.
Most Memorable Lines:
"People talk about the Night's Watch. Never mention the shoveling. Or the shit." -- Grenn, complaining about the Night's Watch duties that are conveniently left out of the brochure for life along the Wall.
"You have a taste, a taste of the real world where people have important things taken from them. And you whine and cry and quit. You sound like a bloody woman." -- Brienne, delivering her unique version of a pep talk to Jaime.
"Actually, I rather enjoy him. But he would see this country burn if he could be king of the ashes." -- Varys, effectively summarizing his mixed feelings on Petyr Baelish.
"If you mean to murder me, than bloody well get on with it." -- The Hound, asking his captors to skip the exposition and get to the killing already.
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