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The Telefile

Real American Heroes

by Zach Oat June 12, 2008 4:07 pm
Real <I>American</I> Heroes

Move over, Hulk Hogan, and make way for...Hulk Hogan? For the past 13 years, toymaker JAKKS Pacific has made action figures of the Superstars of World Wrestling Entertainment, and now the two companies are finally preparing to part ways, with Mattel (makers of the Dark Knight toys) taking over the license in 2010. But now JAKKS has two new tag-team partners, both of whom are big names in the world of combat entertainment, except these guys do it for reals.

As announced in this press release back in March, JAKKS has acquired the license to make action figures of the American Gladiators, hosted by former WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan, and they unveiled the first ones at this week's Licensing Expo in New York. The first wave of 6-inch figures will include Crush, Toa, Militia and former WWE wrestler Wolf (prototypes of Wolf and Fury can be seen in the photo). Each figure will come with digitally-scanned features and tiny versions of the weapons they use to beat the snot out of cocky competitors every week. There will also be a smaller, 3.75-inch line, starting off with Justice, Titan, Venom and new hire Hurricane, plus an in-scale Arena Set. Conveniently, the arenas are also Star Wars scale, so you can make Anakin Skywalker and Jar Jar Binks your contestants for the day and then have Titan throw them off of something.

But JAKKS wasn't done. On Tuesday, this show clip went up on CNBC, announcing that JAKKS also had the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) license. You can see action figures of man-mountain (and, yes, former WWE wrestler) Brock Lesnar and two other fighters in the stupid hands of the annoying CNBC interviewer. "These look like dolls to me, Dana!" he gleefully says to the UFC president, who has several dozen living weapons on his payroll. Hey, genius -- you know what else looks like a doll? You do, to Brock Lesnar. Do you know what Brock Lesnar does to dolls? DO YOU!?

God, how I wished that Brock would launch himself through the television set at that guy from wherever he was, especially when the dude started making fun of his tattoos. Hurry up, Wonkavision!

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