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<I>Happy Endings</I>: Cazsh Character Assessments

In the season premiere, "Cazsh Dummy Spillionaires", the show came back with its particularly well-seasoned blend of fast paced pop culture references, crazy friend antics and some sweet moments (that were quickly soured), which is what this show does best. We'd love it if the gang had spent a bit more time together, instead of scattered into little duos, but we'll take what we can get. If you imagine this our review of each character's finest moment, set to the dulcet tunes of "Ebony and Ivory" as sung by Sinbrad, it will likely increase your enjoyment immensely.

Penny
She nearly went base jumping with Brian Austin Green, but instead fell down multiple flights of stairs and ending up in a half-body cast. Everyone, including us, loved watching her fall and fall on repeat, but her sad: "Guys, not cool. I died for two minutes in the ambulance," put us in our place... before we started laughing again. Then she ended up the victim of Max's plan to "Misery" her so that he could date her hot physical therapist, she got peed on and had her cast tagged by a bunch of kids. Then she realized that she'd done the same twisted thing to Max.
Her best lines:
"I can't believe you are holding me hostage in my body cast."
"I do see some residual crust on that sandwich."
"You sleepy tea'd me."
"Max is Miserying me. He's like Kathy Bates... only way fatter.
"This thing soooooks."

Dave
Decides that he's going to hook up with Alex, but gets crazy when she brings an enormous Playgirl model around to make him jealous. So he has lots of sex with her, and then decides to move in with her... even though she dumped him at the altar.
His best lines:
"OK, Brovine growth hormone. Here's to keeping it caszh."
"Like Tango & Cazsh, Franklin & Cazsh or Rizzoli & Isles and Cazsh."

Alex
Same as Dave, but she had more scenes with Jane who tried to explain that their relationship was a lot more serious than she was letting on. Jane was right. Of course.
Her best lines:
"The last thing we want is for things to get complicated like in It's Complicated, so we're just going to go with it, like in Just Go With It and we're just going to be friends with benefits like in No Strings Attached."
"We slept head to toe. It doesn't count."
"Dave is currently getting his goatee highlighted for his date with Carissa."
"Dave will go out with a hot ass ho, they'll have some sex, they'll fall in love..."
"It took everything in my tiny body not to slap the crunchy curl out of her hair and send her back to whatever monster truck back seat she was born in."

Brad
Lost his job, but has pretending to be unemployed and enjoying hobbies like playing with his puppet, making candles and dance cooking. He also goes to great lengths to keep his job a secret from Jane, including doing using a giant blowup of their living room in his Skype chats.
His best lines:
"Sinbrad has a '90s sensibility."
"Sinbrad is me and my job is my hand. Wait..."

Jane
She got fooled by Brad pretending to be jobless, really wanted him to take time off so they could spend more time together and then had some oddball three way with Brad and Sinbrad.
Her best lines:
"I have been coming so hard... home from work just to have dinner with you."
"You two have fun talking like two of Scott Caan's groomsmen."
"You look like the Olsen twin's burnout brother Larry Kate Olsen."
"Chris Bosh looks like one of Omar's boyfriends from The Wire."

Max
He decided to keep Penny hostage in her body cast, by lying to her doctor that she was in Bolivia, drugging her with a combo of Lunestra and Sleepington Tea and using his Hannibal Lecter voice in order to hook up with her hot therapist. That said, Kent was hot, so we can't say we blame him entirely.
His best lines:
"I have been busting my humps being your male nurse because I genuinely love these gift baskets... and to a lesser extent you."
"I have moves like Jagger... specifically the ones he allegedly used on David Bowie in the '70s."
"Turns out her body cast is perfect for Narcotraficante."
"I dun done you dirty girl."
"It's my one man experimental band called Yoko Uno."
"Forget it, I'm a skeeze. Get the hell out of here."

Sinbrad
He showed up to give Brad something to do during the day and ended up making '90s jokes, calling Jane Skinny Stack and getting to kiss all over her in the most disconcerting way possible.
His best lines:
"That girl's so whack, her first name should be knick knack paddy. Awww snap." "Brad, you can leave."
"Your momma's so fat, she died."

What did you think of the episode? Sound off in the comments.

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