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The Telefile
Happy Endings: Fowl Character Assessments

It might have been the bizarre post-Revenge timeslot (because there's never a better time for goofy comedy than right after a show about duplicitous people trying to murder each other) or it might have just been that the episode was thematically weird, but "Fowl Play/Date" didn't really make me laugh the way this show normally does. When you're rooting for the guy at the diner who told the group to shut the hell up, there are problems. Sure, there were a few great lines sprinkled in, but the whole thing was weird, kind of like when shows do a post-Super Bowl episode and all you can think is, I'm not in the mood for quirky at this time of night. It would be fine if this was just a one-off thing they were trying, but now that ABC is running two episodes a week (this late-Sunday night one, and the normal Tuesday timeslot) for the next several weeks... it really just seems like a good way to kill a show. Anyway, here's what worked... and what didn't.

Alex
That she was going to Rom Com Con, cute. Her terrible Annie Hall impression, cute. That her racist bird dominated so much of the episode -- and not even with his racism -- annoying. When they got the autopsy report, I was about ready to throw in the towel for the night. Also, why would Alex have a copy of Newsweek... or really Dave for that matter? Wouldn't she have been more likely to have Us Weekly? And are we just forgetting that she and Dave live together this week? Because he wasn't around at all to see the entire dead-bird debacle and/or see how Brad and Penny trashed his apartment.

Her Best Lines:
- "I realized that Tyler was just racist because he didn't have any other interests other than racism, so I got him in to baseball."
- "Tyler and I got into a huge argument about what constitutes a Celebrity Apprentice."

Penny
Always makes me laugh, but between the slapping of Brad (which was dumb), the extra whiny voice and fake laugh and her scheme to kill the bird, I wasn't overly impressed. I did like her Breaking In to Song Con and would attend with her, but otherwise she only gets one memorable line this week... and that's only because I'm a sucker for any Scandal name checking.

Her Best Line:
- "What would Kerry Washington do in Scandal?"

Brad
As the other half of the Brad/Penny bird-murdering plot, he was actually pretty great, even though the material was stupid.

His Best Lines:
- "Money's tight. I had to cut back on all my cons. Rom Com Con. Chaka Khan Con. Bond Con. James Bond Con."
- "It's not just Overboard, it's the unseen director's cut of Overboard where Goldie Hawn doesn't learn her lesson at the end and decides to be rich and alone. It's priceless."
- "She eats birthday cake every night? "
- "What if it was emailed to her in a pdf?" How do you shred a pdf? It's in the clouds. I don't control the clouds. I'm not Thor."
- "How can you eat bird right now?"
- "Also you had huge hands as a kid, I'm sorry about that."

Jane
Her gay doppelganger was spot-on, but her entire competition to beat Dave at fixing up Max was grating and annoying. In character maybe, but more oblivious than usual.

Her Best Lines:
- "Why would you bring your bird into a diner. Wait, I don't know why I'm surprised. I once saw you put sunscreen on a grape because you didn't want it to become a raisin."
- "I have brokered three marriages... one against their will."
- "Dave and I couldn't help but notice you were acting like a lonely little bitch last night."
- "It seems like Dave's guys has deuced the futon, but what about my guy?"
- "It sounds black, which is the only thing I like about it, otherwise I hate that guy."
- "Dave here threw what he maintains is a punch, but it looked more like a figure skating twirl."

Dave
Same as Jane, but weirdly it seemed like he should be dating his John Mayer loving doppelganger. They'd make a better couple than Dave and Penny. Also, his atrocious song at the bar wasn't even charming in a douchey way.

His Best Lines:
- "I've got a great guy Ben, he's in my drum circle and my jerk circle."
- "That line is a boxer dropper if I've ever heard one." - "When did we all turn on Mayer?"
- "The good news is I finally get to get that Tommy John surgery I've always wanted."

Max
Just sad that things didn't work out with bartender Marcus... that guy was hot. As a consolation prize, he got the lion's share of quality lines of the night.

His Best Lines:
- "Oh, it's on con like Donkey Kong Con."
- "I'm about to mount an all dead-fly-from-my-windowsill production of Pippin."
- "It's like my friend Prison Johnny always says to me through the glass, don't get attached to anything you can't walk away from in 30 seconds if the heat starts a comin'."
- "It's a direct quote from my original screenplay: Heat 2: It's Getting Hot Up In Here.
- "We have all the same interests. Love Ryan Reynolds, hate Ryan Reynolds movies."
- "I plan on wining, dining and 79ing him. And yes, that is 10 better."
- "I don't like to talk about my sex dreams that much, but it was me, Jeff Van Gundy and Stan Van Gundy. I had Jeff coaching me on defense and Stan coaching me on offense."
- "Who? Neil Patrick Niles?"
- "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home, hard-boil an egg and eat it on the toilet."

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