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How Dumb Does Prison Break Think I Am?

by Angel Cohn September 2, 2008 11:24 am
How Dumb Does <I>Prison Break</I> Think I Am?

I probably don't want to answer that question... given that I keep tuning in. However, I just wrote a gallery the other day about the most unrealistic or implausible things that had happened on Prison Break in the first three seasons, but I could probably write a sequel based on the first two hours of this new season alone. Seriously. SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen the premiere yet because you just got back from Labor Day and having a life. The full episode is posted after the jump, for your viewing pleasure, just skip over my rantings until after you've watched.

-- Sara's back from the dead (which isn't news since it had been reported) but we saw her head in a box. Were assured by everyone that she was in fact dead and done for. Had to watch Michael moping around and swearing vengeance, for what? Nothing? Oh, and it miraculously takes like five minutes for him to find her once he discovers that she's alive. I would have thought that would have been more drawn out.

-- Another one bites the dust... nope. Fooled again! Gretchen, the chick who supposedly killed Sara, gets offed in episode one. But then we find out she's not really dead either. She's just being held and tortured. But yet the one sexy, interesting character that I like (and was pretty much my sole reason for returning to watch this show again this season) was shot through the head and is presumed dead. So Whistler is out of business, if they bring everyone else back. I'm hoping it is just a matter of time for him.

-- Michael, Lincoln and their newly formed gang of convicts trying to get out of jail free, are able to break into a heavily guarded house in like a day. No months of planning, a day.

-- LJ, who was one of the main reasons that Michael was so hell-bent on getting Whistler out of Sona last season, is left behind in Panama as Lincoln gets arrested and is shipped to the states, with no information about where his dad is. Proving my theory that they only pull LJ out when he's in trouble, just to torture Lincoln a little bit.

-- Sucre was stupid enough to trust Maricruz's family again. He's been burned so many times by them trying to turn him into the cops, why would a visit to the hospital to see his baby be any different?

-- Sona burned down. The prison that Michael busted his ass to get out of, is destroyed easily and now everyone's out and on the lam. Nice easy way to get everyone out of there to help take down the company.

-- Mahone, Michael, Lincoln, Bellick and Sucre all just coincidentally get arrested again at the same time on separate offenses in multiple locations? These guys made it from Illinois to Panama without getting tossed in the lock-up. Now they all are facing jail time?

-- I'm willing to buy that there's a genius who can invent a handheld device that can snag info off of computers, memory cards. Hell, I'm even willing to bet something like that actually exists. And I'll buy that Sucre is smart enough to cause an accident to try and get close to the Company guy who has it. But I'm not willing to believe that some random housekeeper, who is totally hooked up with a designer bag from her boss, would be riding the bus (with this security, she'd be escorted) and would be willing to let Sara open it up and paw around inside of it under the pretense that she is in the market for a new purse. Oh, and Sara's not-so-subtle transfer of the handheld device would have totally been spotted by any sane person looking out for her own personal possessions.

-- T-Bag, who is kind of the most ludicrous and over-the-top character on a normal basis, eats someone. Yes. After being abandoned in the desert, he literally is able to take down a guy twice his size (despite exhaustion and still only having one functioning hand) and then cooks him over a campfire and chows down. Then some guys on RV's conveniently come by, pick him up, and haul him to his destination where he finds everything he needs to track down Scofield.

-- And the most insanely implausible of them all? Michael gets his tattoo removed. His full arm and chest and back tattoo entirely removed. In one night. Without painkillers. I've watched a lot of medical shows, tattoo removal is a long process. Involving several sessions. Even for something simple like a tramp stamp. The government must either have some kick ass laser that can take off many layers of epidermis or this show is just making shit up as they go along... as usual.

Here's the video. Check it out if you missed the craziness, or if you just want to watch the tattoo scene again.

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