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The 5 Most Ridiculous Things About <I>Secret Life of the American Teenager</I> You could say I'm a bit masochistic when it comes to television. My problem is that I can't let go. It started when I was a young child, as I struggled through the college years of Sabrina the Teenage Witch because quitting would have made me feel guilty every time I looked at the autographed photo of Melissa Joan Hart on my wall. Then it was Grey's Anatomy, which became my TV equivalent of a boyfriend gone abusive - it hurt every time, but I kept hoping things would get better and go back to normal. Tasteless analogies aside, my worst case of TV masochism came with the introduction of Secret Life of the American Teenager -- only this time, the show sucked from the start.

I never planned on watching past the first episode; I tell myself every week I'm going to stop and yet, here I am, right on track with the beginnings of season two. I've thought a lot about why I can't stop watching Secret Life, and I think it's more than just a love-to-hate-it attachment. Yes, I hate every single character on the show and frequently enjoy making fun of them, but it's more than that. It's just so unbelievably absurd, so unrealistic while trying to be realistic, that I can't help but watch to see what kind of ridiculous thing they're going to pull out next. And so I've decided to compile the top five most ridiculous things about Secret Life of the American Teenager and why I just can't get enough of them.

The simultaneous confirmation and rejection of high school stereotypes.
The football player (Jack) and the cheerleader (Grace) are dating, but they're the good Christians who, up until recently, were waiting until marriage to have sex. Meanwhile the school whore (Adrian) and the sociopathic man-slut (Ricky) are in the marching band. I'd like to say that this creates multi-dimensional characters, but mostly the irony is just too good to resist.

Creative ways of breaking the law.
And all this time you thought fake IDs were for buying booze! Not so accurate on this show, as sex seems to be the only drug of choice for these guys. So when they all got caught with fake IDs, it was so Ben and Amy could elope underage and everyone else could attend the ceremony. And then they didn't understand why they weren't actually married under the law. This one just exemplifies the youthful innocence (ignorance?) that keeps me starry-eyed and coming back for more. Oh, to be young and in love.

The widowed Sausage King is engaged to the prostitute that was hired by the kid with Down's Syndrome.
I don't think this one needs much explanation. Not to mention that said prostitute/fiancée is played by Jennifer Coolidge, who is perhaps the most ridiculous person in Hollywood. It's just all so fitting.

Kissing leads to sex...
I get that it must be tough to work the discussion of foreplay into a show on ABC Family, but these kids are flaunting their pubescent desires when we haven't even seen them kiss with tongue. And although some talk of "the bases" would tickle my sense of nostalgia, I'm constantly fascinated by the characters' concepts of sexual progression.

...and sex leads to death.
This one is brilliant! Grace's dad tells her not to have sex, and then while she's doing it anyway, he dies in a car crash. Oh, and not only did she have sex, she had great sex - which explains why God felt the need to get his smite on. Despite everyone's protests, Grace is now positive she killed her father, and it makes for some delicious teenage angst.

What other crazy Secret Life storylines have left you begging for more (or less)? Leave 'em in the comments!

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