Since there were complaints last time around about not having enough characters on this class ranking, I've added more key players from tonight's episode. I'd call "Ron and Tammys" an upgrade from "I'm Leslie Knope," but I expect it to be far from the best episode of the season -- and yes, those are some mighty high expectations. Were it any other series, I'd probably have way less to critique, but this is Parks & Rec, people. This is Ivy League TV; even if you get a bad grade, you're still miles above anyone outside of your class.
Ann and Chris: F
The whole perfectionist-will-never-be-satisfied bit got real stale real fast. We get that your segment was there to move the plot forward and show that you two aren't such a mismatched couple, but you took away precious screen time from Entertainment 720 and the Tammys. For shame.
Best line of the night: In this entire segment, it was when Walt Morphling, former Director of Public Health, suggested "praying" as a way to prevent adult onset diabetes.
I get that you had to play the straight man, Jello Shot, but I wish you would have left a little more comedy shine through. Simply pointing out all of the ridiculous things about E720 just wasn't enough.
Best line of the night: "Oh, breakevens? Those are really fun! Yeah, sure, I'll take a look."
Tom and Jean-Ralphio: A-
Boys, you were hilarious tonight. It's a shame that Ben and your five hired accountants had to break that news that E720 was destined for failure, because while it was around, it was delightful to see inside of your brains via your airplane hangar. We would kill for that $27,000 chair, boat video footage, your printing press and that party button.
Best line of the night: "Snapple, are we calling everybody baby, now? 'Cause honestly, I love that." "Are we saying 'snapple' any time we think something's dope? Because I love that, baby."
Tammy No. 1, Tammy No. 2 and Tamora Swanson (aka Tammy): A-
This was wonderful, but points off because we needed way more time with you last night. See you at next year's Tubeys?
Tammy 1's best line of the night: "Oh, are we playing a game where everyone says something stupid?"
Tammy 2's best line of the night: "She can destroy you with just one word... and a jar of acid."
Tammy Swanson's best line of the night: "This is America, isn't it? Then I don't have to answer stupid questions while standing on my own property."
There we go, that's the Ron we know and love. Anger about your "audit" (is income tax illegal?), horrible jabs to ex-wives, complete submission to said ex-wives, emotional breakthroughs via Leslie. You should get married to a few more Tammys just to show us all of the Rons buried instead of you -- though we're sure they are not someplace buried stupid, like underground where anyone could find them.
Best line of the night: "I hope the rest of your day is cool beans."
A real woman knows that she can't always be the star of the show, and you were an excellent supporting lady last night. I'm sorry the Battle Royale didn't work out and really, really appreciate all of your boozing. We are by no means Ron and Leslie shippers, but seeing your love and care for one another will always be one of our favorite parts of the show. Thanks for hanging with Ron even though his "receipts" included photos of gentlemen's agreements and Post-it notes that simply read "I bought supplies in 2007."
Best line of the night: "You are literally a gold digger."
Swanson Family Mash Liquor: A+
This magnificent liquid can strip varnish off a speedboat, burn warts off of mules and melt marbles. No wonder Ron's granddad used to call it his punchin' juice.
Best line of the night: [Via Leslie's whispering mouth, while holding up a doll of a child wearing a toga] "What is that?"
Honorable Mentions: Roy Hibbert and Detlef Schrempf cracked us up and impressed us with their accounting skills. Andy and April were fine in this episode, but much better last week. Tim Bokanowski, on the other hand...
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