Okay, so are you finally done crying yet, or have your tears at least subsided enough to read text on a screen? By the end of "Because You're My Sister," I was literally sobscreaming, a term I made up just now that means "belligerently weeping while yelling at your TV in a very humiliating and overwhelming mix of happiness and insanity." I'd like to tell you that Parenthood is the only show that does this to me, but I recently watched PBS' Animal Odd Couples and had a very similar reaction to this particularly moving segment about a goat and a horse. (Highly recommended.)

But in terms of series finales, if this is in fact that last episode we'll see of Parenthood, "Because You're My Sister" was wholly satisfying; each of our characters got an actual ending and we're left knowing that the Bravermans will be okay because they're the Bravermans, dammit. As a season finale, we've got a lot to look forward next time around -- most importantly for Drew, in terms of him definitely not being a baby daddy (a lingering fear I had) -- but the episode does become a bit more problematic when you consider the fact that all of these storylines probably could have been wrapped up midway through the season. We've been struggling with each of them for multiple weeks now, and had the pacing been structured more optimistically, "Because You're My Sister" could have left room for bigger cliffhangers instead of overdue conclusions to exhausting arcs. I think that Jason Katims and the gang instead went with playing it safe to prevent series finale less polished than the one we may have gotten last night.

So until we find out what happens next with the show, let's reminisce about this installment and try to decide which new Braverman relative and corresponding promise was the biggest get for Victor.

Chuckle
It was pretty brilliant of the writers to set this episode exactly a year after Season 3's finale, since it means we got to celebrate Jasmine and Crosby's anniversary without the situation feeling too contrived. The way that Crosby invited her out on the town was adorable, and though I first found it kind of weird and confusing, the way Jasmine told him that she was pregnant felt very real and sweet. Maybe the Renee conclusion isn't as graceful as it could have been (if I was Renee, I would have thought Crosby was about to murder me with his "friend"), but I'm just glad the writers didn't turn it into an enormous fight between Jasmine and Crosby -- instead, we got Jasmine's hilarious brother "SMDH," a joke about that "musty mother-in-law guilt trippy type smell," "I'm fitna eat" and happiness all around. Works for me.

This must have been horribly disappointing for some fans, but Sarah denying Mark (in the middle of a workday, no less!) was awesome for me. Once I got over my conspiracy theories of Hank dying in a plane crash, I was able to enjoy laughing at once-again-humiliated Mark (that pathetic speech was your big guns?!), disappointed Sarah (no engagement for you!) and the very sweet scene where Hank gave Sarah a camera to give to "the kid who doesn't like anybody." (You'll be okay, Max!) (Also, are you gay?) I am led to believe that even though she wasn't in Minnesota at the end of the episode, based on the big new house, Sarah is going to move in with him, right? Did I totally misinterpret that?

Oh, and speaking of things I'm finally glad are over, Kristina is cancer-free! Not officially cured, mind you (which means there's still hope for my Breaking Braverman spin-off script), but if she survived "What to My Wondering Eyes," she'll make it through anything. She and Adam were more funny than sad last night, too, which I really appreciate and think was necessary if this is the series finale; the scene with Kristina in the pink wig telling Adam, "I can get you a leather jacket. Will you wear it... with no underwear?" and then Crosby walking in all grossed out was a classic moment and one of the reasons that Adam and Kristina are one of my all-time favorite couples on TV. I didn't like this interaction as much as that one time Adam told her how horny she made him moments after she lactated all over herself in front of his hot assistant, but on the bright side, we didn't have to watch him have another sort-of-almost-affair. But seriously, Adam is great and I hope Peter Krause and Monica Potter get something for all of their hard work this season.

And much as I'm disappointed that my predictions were wrong about Victor's birthmother coming back in the finale (and don't even get me started on Victor playing football in the house), Sydney's open objection to Victor being adopted was so fantastic that I can't stay mad at this drawn-out plotline -- seriously, after she said, "I refuse to put on a dress and make believe I'm happy," the only thing I wrote in my notes was, "Sydney is my spirit animal." I'm glad the writers turned things about and had Victor personally ask the UGG-wearing diva to come, and I also really enjoyed Joel teaching Victor some Women 101 ("So, she's gonna pick out the suit. That's how this goes."), their matching ties and Max giving Victor a very special new lizard. Welcome to the family, Salsa! (That's literally the lizard's name in case you missed it... I'm not calling a Hispanic child "Salsa.")

While I'm at it, I will say that I can't believe we had both Gypsy (again, that was her name on Gilmore Girls!) and Lorelei in the same freaking show without them sharing a scene once. I honestly think there's something in Lauren Graham's contract about her not sharing any screen time with her former Amy Sherman-Palladino castmates.

Two more really enjoyable things: The stupid conversation with Zeek, Camille and Sarah arguing about playing off sneakers as dress shoes (one of those kind of moments I'll really miss from this series) and Max banging the living hell out of that gavel. I love that Victor got in on it, too, and it wasn't just some last-minute way for the writers to remind us how difficult of a life Adam and Kristina will have with Max's Asperger's.

Cry
You may have noticed Amber and Ryan most certainly did not make me chuckle last night -- I mean, they might have, but I was definitely too busy blubbering to notice. They're so fragile and raw and watching their scenes sometimes feels intrusive because of the intimacy, and I am just really happy that they're back together. Amber's drama blended really well with Drew's Berkeley acceptance and his parting ways with Amy -- I thought their final "I'll never forget you," was perfect and age appropriate. (Though if Snapchat is all it's cracked up to be, maybe there's still a little something brewing there, wink wink nudge nudge.) Also, Sarah's "You're the first one in our family to get into college" really got me, too. (Based on some promo photos in the NBC press site, I'm led to believe there's a deleted scene of Amber and Sarah having one final powwow as well.)

And obviously, as soon as the music started, I was a goner. Amber and Ryan playfully looking at rings! Kristina giving Gypsy the chemo blanket! Victor having popcorn with his family (fuck it, right?)! Mark Cyr walking the hallways like a miserable loser! Jasmine's ultrasound perfectly timed with the score's cheesy lyrics! Camille with Berkeley pom poms and Amber in an Oski the Bear trucker hat! Hank snowball fighting with Ruby! HAWAII! Kristina in fashionable mom beachwear! Damn you, Parenthood!

Cringe
Gratifying as it was, I don't think you could watch the adoption scene without feeling at least a little bit ashamed, right? It was just too freaking much. That being said, I have a question for you: If you could only choose one, which would it be?

Zeek and Camille as your grandparents, doing their best to give you undying love, support and teaching you the art of fielding the hot grounder.

Adam and Kristina as your aunt and uncle, being there no matter what, while your cousin Max lets you hold is lizards and presumably give you primo access to vending machines citywide.

Aunt Sarah helping you, not ratting you out and giving you dating advice, while Amber repairs the damage from her advice. (Also she'll school you on how to apologize like Bill Clinton and apply eyeliner flawlessly.)

Crosby teaching you how to play an instrument and ride a motorcycle while you have sleepovers and play Xbox with your cousin Jabbar. Jasmine will provide unhealthy snacks. Renee will occasionally linger.

Sydney to love you as a sister, Julia as a mom to spy on you and Joel as a dad to just be generally amazing at all times.

And note: No matter what choice you make, Haddie will not be there because she has prior obligations, clearly.

In any event, I thank you for coming back here every week and gushing about Parenthood with me. I've had a lot of fun, and will leave you with one final game: Boff/Marry/Kill: Adam, Crosby and Joel. Choose wisely.

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