I was very excited when it was announced that Heather Locklear was returning to her Melrose Place roots as the bitch-in-heels Amanda Woodward. This new series, while oddly watchable, needed a jolt of something to really get it going. Since she'd saved the previous incarnation from dullness/cancellation, it seemed fitting that she'd boost this version as well. But now that we've actually seen her first episode, I'm not sure her appearance is helping matters much.

This season on Gossip Girl, Blair, Vanessa, and Dan began their college careers at New York University. But from the very moment Queen Waldorf stepped into her dorm room, something felt a little off. As a seasoned (and current) student of the behemoth private school, I like to think that I know a little more about NYU than the average bear, or television producer. Let's review the truth behind the gossip:

I've been really hard on Grey's Anatomy for the last couple seasons, but it was coming from a place of love as I adored this show when it started. I thought it was a good medical drama with a nice balance of the soapy dating stuff and some actual gory and intriguing medical scenes. But then it started slipping: the clever storytelling went out the window and it became a caricature of itself and basically it became a chore to watch. That said, lately, it's shown some signs of life again, and while I'd like to credit it to the reduced presence of Katherine Heigl, there are a lot of other contributing factors. (I do so love to blame her for everything. Oh well.)

I recently watched the original V mini-series in preparation for the new show, and I have to say, I learned a lot of important things from it. I now know that secret lizard people are, first of all, a very real and imminent threat, and secondly, fairly easy to identify, if you know how to spot them. They tend to be polite, attractive, averse to science professionals, partial to mind control, onesies and easily manipulated members of the press, and above all intent on storing humans as personal slaves and/or food sources. Of course, I know plenty of people like that; I watch TV all day. Here are the most likely secret lizard people walking amongst our favorite shows.

I'm hard on this medical drama, but that's because I really, really liked the first two seasons. So I just want it to regain its footing and be totally awesome again. Last night's two-hour season premiere showed some promise, but there were a few moments that kept us from being totally confident that it is on the right track.

I'm going to be up front and admit that it has been a while since I regularly watched Curb Your Enthusiasm. I sort of lost interest around the time that Larry and Cheryl's relationship fell apart. However, the promise of a Seinfeld reunion this season suckered me back in. I know the Seinfeld cast spot doesn't happen for a few episodes, but figured it was worth watching from the start of this season, and I'm so delighted that I did. The first episode, in which Larry tries unsuccessfully to break up with his girlfriend Loretta (Vivica A. Fox) before her cancer diagnosis comes in, had me in stitches. I was completely reminded of what I liked about this show in the first place. Apparently, absence did make my heart grow fonder.

Last night saw the season finale of True Blood, which wrapped up all of the summer's mysteries and story arcs in a nice, pretty bow while setting up a couple new intriguing twists for next season along with a cliffhanger to keep us guessing until at least next summer. All in all, it was a satisfying (if peculiarly paced) conclusion to a wild ride. I'm not sure how a third season will be able to top the entire town of Bon Temps being mind-controlled by a malicious maenad going on a wild orgiastic rampage ending in a human sacrifice, but we can't wait to find out. To tide us over until next summer, we're reflecting upon the five best and worst developments of the second season. Spoiler alert for those who haven't watched the finale yet.

So that makeover Ugly Betty's been promising? It apparently happened! And someone took pictures of it! Wow, Betty is so hot now! Yet still, so completely ridiculously dressed! I'll give her credit for the outfit sort of matching and not looking like that time my dog barfed up an entire bowl of skittles, but still -- yikes, is what she still looks like. Kah-dooz on finally learning how to brush your hair at the age of 25, Betty. But the fact now stands that the "Ugly" part of Ugly Betty's title has now officially been rendered inaccurate by the hair brushing. Here are a few new ideas.

Paula Abdul demanded Seacrest money and ended up unemployed. Happens all the time. It sucks that we're stuck with Randy and Kara, but at least we don't have to listen to Paula's incoherent non-opinions anymore. This, really, is going to be great for the show. We'd much prefer they didn't try to cast a fourth judge in her absence, as three people saying things while we all wait for the comments that actually matter -- Simon's -- took way too long every episode last season, who the hell knows what they'll do? Idol producers aren't that smart. In case they're looking for casting inspiration, I've put together a list of ladies we'd love to see on the show. (Between this and my Amy Adams gushfest gallery, it's like a damn Lilith Fair concert on the site this week. I do apologize.) And, as always, leave all your Paula opinions and eulogies in the comments.

The Jon & Kate Plus 8 broadcast break is finally over, and it seems Kate had custody of us this week. I guess this is how the show is going to work now -- each parent switching off entire episodes, depending on who has custody? Jon was hardly in both episodes that aired last night, even though the first one was technically before their official separation (though clearly, they'd given up by then). And you know what? Without their bickering, it turns out this show is really, really boring.