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The Telefile
Scripted Series the Real Housewives Should Be On

The Countess (aka LuAnn de Lesseps) is going to be on an upcoming episode of Law & Order: SVU, and not just because they've already cycled through every available New York-based actor/waiter twice. The Countess will be "acting" as an art patron who is posing semi-nude for a painter. Wonder if the painting she already has in her boudoir will be used as a prop? Anyway, since she's the first Real Housewives star to land a real acting gig (and no, we're not counting Sheree's community theater thing or the off-off-Broadway show some of the Jersey girls do, or the softcore porn movie Camille was in) it got us thinking about other shows that the various Housewives could "act" in.

Ramona Singer on V
When she panics or tries to look intense, she's got these crazy looking bug-eyes. If that's not an alien trying unsuccessfully to blend in with humans, we don't know what is. Plus, this show is ridiculous and boring, so it's not like Ramona could do any real damage.

Taylor Armstrong on Grey's Anatomy
Just picture it: a rich woman from Southern California takes her daughter to visit Seattle when she's in a car accident and her lip implant starts leaking. Only McSteamy can help her... find love.

Kim Richards on Hot in Cleveland
Because it's a haven for all aging former stars desperate to regain their former glory.

Kim Zolciak on Glee
She can't really sing, but those guys over there can work magic with auto-tune. She can have a fling with a married man, have a brief lesbian affair with Sue Sylvester and dress inappropriately while performing something like "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" at a birthday party for one of Rachel's gay dads.

Kelly Killoren-Bensimon on House
She could play a patient who arrives at PPTH as a diagnostic puzzle. House will have to figure out how wild mood swings, delusions of grandeur, a constant desire to start fights, a lack of a filter, an aversion to gift baskets and an addiction to candy all piece together. He'll probably decide it's lupus.

Teresa Giudice on Boardwalk Empire
She could play a member of the Women's Temperance League (minus the "temperance) on a quest to stamp out all low-class ladies that she deems "prostitution whores." Then Houdini's brother (with the help of Nucky's thugs) will find a way to make her magically disappear.

Gretchen Rossi on Sons of Anarchy
And not just because we'd like to see her tangle with Katey Sagal. Okay, mostly because of that, but partially because she already has a Harley from her deceased sugar daddy that she can bring to set. She could play a motorcycle-lovin' gold-digger who thinks Clay's got money so she tries to muscle in on Gemma's territory. Let the skateboard beatings commence!

Sheree Whitfield on Harry's Law
The budding actress could finally land the role that she's been dreaming of, one that people might have a chance of seeing and one with more than two minutes of screen time. Who'd have thought? On her episode, she'd have to stretch her limits, playing a rich woman who normally shops for fine footwear at Harry's establishment, but turns to her for help when she gets swindled by a man posing as a doctor.

Jill Zarin on Off the Map
Jill and her husband Bobby could play a couple of tourists who are on vacation in the show's nameless jungle when she contracts a strange disease from the water that causes her to go mute. Surprisingly, none of the doctors are all that eager to help her.

Your thoughts? Leave 'em below.

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