BLOGS

The Telefile
The Real Housewives of Orange County: Never Drink and Evil Eye

The first ladies of Bravo returned last night (well, one of them is still left, at least), and in typical Real Housewives of Orange County fashion, the premiere episode was a big, loud, drunken, sloppy mess. Welcome back, girls. I always think I won't, but oh, how I've missed you all.

We began by catching up with newly single Tamra, who now has herself a wealthy Latin lover so magnanimous as to let her have a shopping party for all her frenemies in his abode while he's away doing... something. We didn't meet this generous dreamboat last night, but Tamra sure seems to like him, and as we know, she has fabulous taste in men. This should work out great! Oh, and she has a new lesbian friend who is apparently a permanent castmember. She's not important right now, so I'll decide later whether or not I care about her.

But there was trouble looming on the horizon. Gretchen agreed to take a moment out of her busy handbag-holding rehearsals to come to Tamra's shopping party, and to break the tension, she beelined for the half-naked bartender (of course there was a half-naked bartender) and asked for a bucket full of his strongest hooch -- and kept 'em coming. So she drank all the party's booze on an empty stomach, and she and Tamra -- who had been laughably claiming she wanted peace with Gretchen, as if warring with her isn't her entire lifeblood on this show -- had it out in one of their explosive confrontations. It was over a hat, but, you know, it wasn't about a hat. I have always said that Tamra is one of the most underrated reality villains on TV, and if Gretchen is going to continue to stop playing the victim and straight out gun for her like she did last night, this is going to be an awesome season. Unfortunately, I've learned never to count on Gretchen for anything at this point.

In other news, Vicki and Donn are still together in these early episodes, and all the time Vicki spent talking about how strong their relationship is intercut with scenes of her nagging him was a little awkward, and kind of cruel, to be honest, on the producers' part. I don't know about you, but there's a difference here than with the other failed Housewives marriages. For me, it's going to be a lot less fun to watch the process of their marriage dying than it was to watch Camille Grammer's a few months ago, but hopefully it'll go quickly. And not linger forever like Jeana Keough's and Nene Leakes' did.

Alexis took a back seat to the premiere, just kind of popping up to apologize for drunk Gretchen or continue to go on about how the Bible wants her to be a submissive object in service of her husband, but I tend to glaze over when Alexis talks until she starts fighting with Vicki, so I guess I'll just wait for that episode. Shouldn't be more than a couple weeks. Alexis is a lot more reliable than Gretchen is.

And how great is it that Lynn's gone? Best decision ever, hands down. Though I do wonder where we'll all buy our three-hundred-dollar cuffs now. What to do?

Let us know what you thought below, and revisit last season's most memorable moments!

Watch a preview of the next episode of the show here:

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