I know we all have Royal Wedding fever today -- or if you're me, Royal Wedding hats fever -- but it is still Friday, which means it's time to take a break from The Most Important Wedding of All Time to turn our attention to royals of a different kind: the royal douchebags of this week's reality TV. Here are my five nominees, plus this week's winner. Don't worry, I'll try to make it brief so you don't feel like you're cheating on Catherine (I try to honor the Queen and abstain from calling her Kate) and William too much.
Dustin Zito, The Real World: Las Vegas
No judgments here -- if you want to be a gay-for-pay porn star, then you drop trou and get that money, Dustin. But you can't keep that kind of a secret from the girl you're sleeping with. That's just heinous.
Kent, The Amazing Race
Has anyone in the history of the world ever whined as much as Kent has these past few weeks? I still love the Goths for reasons even I barely remember anymore, but when Vyxsin opted to pull him around Switzerland in a luggage carrier like he was her child at the grocery store just to put an end to his whimpering, I knew he had to go on this list.
Peggy's Husband, The Real Housewives of Orange County
I guess it's fine, if pretty desperate, to want a celebrity chef -- any celebrity chef, you really don't care which one -- to cater your house party so all your friends will think you're so rich, but when Bravo hooks you up with Susan Feniger, one of the biggest Mexican food chefs in L.A., do you have to be such a dick about how lowbrow you think Mexican cuisine is? And nice job grossing her out with that fried Oreo idea, you new-money trash.
NeNe, Celebrity Apprentice
Ordinarily, I love NeNe. But passing up an opportunity to team up with La Toya to oust formidable competitor Star Jones in favor of dumping on La Toya some more isn't just unnecessary and mean, but also unforgivably moronic. She's really going to regret that genius idea when Star wins this whole thing.
Josh, 16 & Pregnant
Kid, I know you hate your baby mama's family and everything, but maybe leaving the poor girl on the side of the road while you burn rubber down the highway with your newborn twins in the car isn't the best way to resolve that problem. Clearly, the mature thing to do would have been to leave them on the side of the road, too. I'm pretty sure.
NeNe. I'll take child-endangerment or cheating on your lady with dozens of dudes over someone who passes up the chance to put an end to Star Jones on my television any day.
Your thoughts? Alternate nominees? Hopes for next week? Leave them all in the comments.
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