If I had only two hours left to live, I would spend it watching last night's episode because it just would. not. end. Thanks to all of the unbearable moments below, I'm wondering if it's possible to have permanent douche chills.
The Ever-Popular Speedo Reveal
If men are about to go into water, it's pretty much guaranteed that we're going to see them in itsy bitsy bottoms. The worst part about the situation wasn't even being reduced to seeing Kasey's body or sitting through the obligatory flexing and posing session -- it was the ladies' shrill and deafening screams reminding us that we are choosing to watch this show.
For even more unwanted images, the underwater camera shots of the girls' butts and the guys' packages were just plain gross, especially when Erica said that she enjoyed seeing Jake's anatomy. And speaking of the Princess herself, she could not have been a worse synchronized swimmer if she had done it in a solid gold ball gown while getting Botox.
The New It Couple
If I learned anything from watching her season of Your Cut Off, Erica is dense enough to believe that Jake is falling for her. While he made it clear to the cameras that he was simply "willing to do what [he] needed to do," watching them rub up against each other and share a very sexy mouth-to-collagen-pumped-lips kiss was as nasty as it was sad.
Trouble in Paradise
As we said last week, it's impossible to tolerate Vienna and Kasey's drama. The pillow throwing, the fake crying, the Diary confessions where Kasey just flat-out calls his girlfriend a famewhore (okay, that part was kind of awesome) -- these two just need to stop. I'd prefer Jake and Vienna back together... maybe.
Melissa's Continued Craziness
In some ways, I salute Blake for realizing this is just a dumb game and having the smarts to woo Melissa in order to keep himself safe. But mostly, I despise him for bringing out the monster inside of this insane woman. This week, she continued to be completely off her rocker so much so that even blockheads like Erica and Jake were able to completely manipulate her into joining their anti-Kasey crusade.
Bring On the Bret
Is there any situation that wouldn't benefit from a private performance of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"? Let's face it: Bret Michaels is a love guru, especially to two torn souls like Holly and Michael who are so desperately looking for a reason to get back together on national television. We just wonder how many Bret groupies were hanging out in the bus' bathroom during the taping.
I Promise Not to Marry You
The editing monkeys totally blew this one out of proportion, but still, Vienna vocalizing that she did not want to get engaged to her boyfriend of six months while he clearly had a ring box out in front of her was super awkward for the two seconds that it lasted. Leave it to Kasey, though, to so gallantry call the piece of metal a "promise ring" and then showcase his lovely singing voice on yet another Bachelor franchise. Did he not watch Ali's face when he serenaded her last year?
Take a look back at the five most awkward moments from this episode.
Is it obvious to everyone but Kasey that Vienna doesn't actually like him? Vloggers Beth & Val discuss the show in this video:
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